TGI Paul

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2011-03-30T12:14:00.000Z

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The best Bushism's from the last 8 years

2008-11-05T16:20:00.003Z

While large corners of the world are busy celebrating Obama's presidential victory there will be some people feeling slightly deflated to see George Bush step down as US president.
Over the past eight years Bush has provided us with endless amusement as a result of his faux pas or ‘Bushisms' as they've been dubbed. Here are twenty of my favourites;

20. "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." - Nov. 28, 2005

19. "We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans." - Sept. 6, 2000

18. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." - Dec. 19, 2000

17. "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness." - Aug. 30, 2000

16. "I think we agree, the past is over." - May 10, 2000

15. "I understand small business growth. I was one." - Feb. 19, 2000

14. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." - April 23, 2002

13. "I want everybody to hear loud and clear that I'm going to be the president of everybody."
- Jan. 18, 2001

12. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." - Jan. 3, 2000

11. "I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will." - Oct. 5, 2002

10. "I just want you to know that when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." - June 18, 2002

9. "I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." - May 25, 2004

8. "I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society." - Aug. 13, 2002

7. "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." - Sept. 17, 2002

6. "The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." - Oct. 8, 2004

5. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." - Sept. 29, 2000

4. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - Aug. 5, 2004

3. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" - Jan. 11, 2000

2. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." - Jan. 27, 2000

1. "They misunderestimated me." - Nov. 6, 2000

Oh, he'll be missed!

Facebook | Compare People

2008-10-24T11:32:00.000Z

Facebook Compare People

Technology's pissing me right off!

2007-08-18T11:29:00.000Z

Ok, so I know it was my fault I left my mobile in the back of a taxi on Brighton Pride weekend, when I really really needed it, and I know it's my fault I'd never backed up my sim onto the spare one Orange kindly sent me for just this event.

I can live with that, I know now how to contact the people I really care about and the rest can get in touch with me if they so care.

But also this week my pc fucked up. It just wouldn't set up, kept freezing and going to a blank DOS screen. According to the 'helpline' the only thing I could do was to load the restore cd's.

Unfortunately, the first stage of the restore is that they wipe out absolutely everything from your hard drive. I've lost all my photo's, music, documents, workstuff and copies of letters that I really wanted.

It's my fault for not backing up to disc I guess.

Where else you can find me...

2007-07-12T15:00:00.000Z

At Last... Even More Tales of the City!

2007-06-27T09:21:00.000Z

Well, not exactly. But it IS the book that thousands of 'TOTC' fans have been waiting 19 years for!

Armistead Maupin seems quite adamant in claiming that this is NOT a sequel, which seems odd as it certainly doesn't stand as a novel in its own right. The plot is fairly thin, and the remeniscences wouldn't mean much to anyone who wasn't familiar with the six books already in the series. It would be a little like going to a school reunion at a school you never went to!

That said, what he does do is neatly wrap and tie up all the loose ends of our old friends lives, as prettily as a Selfridges assistant at Christmas!

The biggest difference about this new addition is that it's written in first-person, it's Michael 'Mouse' Tollivers' story this time. He welcomes you personally into his life, introduces you to his friends, never assuming you may already know some of them but instead giving you a potted history of each one, how they met and where they've been together. Yes, you do find out what's happened to everyone, but I'm not going to spoil it for you here!

We meet many new characters; his gorgeous new, younger husband, and his new 'ftm' transexual gardening assistant. We also get to know his family properly at last, which is where the bulk of the plot lies. When eventually he has to make a choice between biological and 'logical' family, it's obvious which way he'll side.

It's a lovely book, showing real growth of the central character who's aged and grown wiser along with the rest of us and the wearying world around him. It's full of hope; hope that there's always a chance.

Glad to see you again Michael!

International Prides

2007-06-24T23:18:00.000Z

HELLO!!!! :O)

I know this is terribly shallow of me, but... here's one more reason why I prefer San Francisco to New York;

Mayor Gavin Newsome - SF

(how handsome!?)

Mayor Michael Bloomberg -NY

Although really, who am I to speak with old Ken Livingston here in London eh? How great of them though to both be there and supporting the events!That wouldn't have happened, at least not in NY, a few years back I reckon.

Not everywhere in the world enjoyed such hassle free days;

Israeli gay men kiss during a Gay Pride parade in downtown Jerusalem, Thursday, June 21, 2007. Under heavy police guard, hundreds of gay activists marched in a Gay Pride parade in downtown Jerusalem on Thursday, sparking a noisy counter demonstration by ultra-Orthodox Jews and denunciations by Muslim and Christian leaders.

Haven't Finished the Last Story I Know...

2007-06-21T13:14:00.001Z

...but I'm a little disabled! I've managed to come down with radial palsy in my right hand which basically means the hand is a limp lettuce leaf hanging of the end of my right arm.

It is now all strapped up and has a metal splint holding my hand straight. This doesn't actually make it fully usuable, but at least I can position my hand and fingers, whereas without it I can't. For instance, I'm now using my right index finger to type, but still can't write.

The doctor is hoping the nerve that has stopped working will 'spontaneously recover'. This is most likely if the cause was compression of the nerve during sleep.

However, if by tomorrow it hasn't recovered, then they're suspicious that I actually have mononeuropathy, possibly caused as a side effect of my anti-retroviral medications that I've been on for a few years. Toxic damage, I suppose.

If this is the case, then there's the option of electromyography. I'm hoping this will fix it. I'm also hoping it doesn't spread..

I'll know more tomorrow.

p.s. I just found this on the web....

Review Articles
The peripheral nerve complications of human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection
B. J. Brew, MD, FRACP *
Departments of Neurology and HIV Medicine, St. Vincent's Hospital and National Centre in HIV Epidemiology and Clinical Research, University of New South Wales, Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010, Australia
email: B. J. Brew (b.brew@unsw.edu.au)
*Correspondence to B. J. Brew, Departments of Neurology and HIV Medicine, St. Vincent's Hospital and National Centre in HIV Epidemiology and Clinical Research, University of New South Wales, Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010, Australia
setDOI("ADOI=10.1002/mus.10484")
Keywords
acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) • antiretroviral medication • cytomegalovirus • human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) • neuropathy
Abstract
Peripheral nerve complications occurring in patients with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection are frequent and challenging. This review discusses these various complications according to the degree of advancement of HIV disease. Particular emphasis is placed upon emerging causes of neuropathy found in the context of HIV disease, such as infection with hepatitis C and human T-lymphotropic virus type I, as well as neuropathies related to antiretroviral medications. Muscle Nerve 28: 542-552, 2003

The Party Season Is Upon Us....

2007-06-16T10:49:00.000Z

Every summer, life begins to get a little more expensive. The Vauxhall Tavern starts to get more and more crowded on a Sunday afternoon as the sun gets stronger out on 'The Grassy Knoll'*, there seems to be a different 'Pride' occassion every few weeks, and the party invitations make you realise that you do have plenty of friends after all!

In my particular social circle the season is clearly marked out at either end. At the start of June, just as the weather gives us the first promising signs of the fun months to come, we kick off with Vic's birthday (of G&V fame) and Gary's birthday in the middle of September neatly brings the season to a weary close.

In between these we get their anniversary (oddly on the same day as my parents wedding anniversary AND my parents 'Decree Absolute' that purely coincidentally was signed off in the courts exactly 25 years later!), there's Brighton Pride, London Pride, Soho Pride, and I'm also hoping to make it up to Nottingham Pride, even though Argey Bargey and hubby are going to be away.

Oh, and there's my birthday in August too, although thats not a big thing this year. What kind of a nothing number is 38 eh?

So last weekend we started with a BBQ at G&V's fantastic new pad in Bow. Gary, being Gary, has naturally not just got the best apartment in that block, but easily the best in the whole area. Top floor, large roof terrace, views of Canary Wharf in one direction, and The Gherkin and Millenium Wheel in the other.

About 20 of us where there, all fitting quite happily out on the terrace, although it got a bit chilly later and some moved indoors. I knew the vast majority and those I didn't know were friendly and sociable.

Apart from The Little One, (a friend of a friend of a friend etc... who I've known pretty much as long as G has known V... he kind of came in a package, though not literally, with Vics side of the group), I did notice that everyone was coupled. As far as any possibility of anything happening with The Little One, thats a non-starter for both of us; we get on really well but neither are the others type. So, it was going to be a chatty one for me. Thats good, I thought, it makes a nice change not to be thinking about cruising haha!

And chat I did! I met some really lovely people, and specifically spent the majority of my time with a girl (sorry, woman!) called Lisa, and her soon-to-be-wife, who's been a friend of G's for 10 years or so, talking about everything and nothing. G said the next day its the latest he's ever seen her stay at a party.

Thats a nice compliment!

As the evening edged towards the wee small hours a few of us had the great idea of moving onto The White Swan, the infamous club that saw Michael Barrymore's declaration of his gayness a few years back. (note: arrested again? Watching with interest!). I can't remember how late it was when a very nice chap offered me a lift home (I checked if he had a swimming pool, he said 'no' so I figured he was ok!), but I I do know I made it home... unlike the others, who apparently went on to Fire at stupid-o'clock in the morning!

The next day brings a whole other chapter, so I'll continue with that later I think.

Chat later, Pxx

* The Grassy Knoll is the affectionate nickname for the bit of parkland behind The Vauxhall Tavern, mainly populated by gay men in varying states of trashedness depending on how far through their personal weekend they are. Just leaving Fire from friday night? Sleepin after Crash on the saturday? Or just starting at the Tavern on a sunday? They all mix and mingle here in the sun

Quote of the Week

2007-06-14T07:14:00.000Z

“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

A Very Quick Round-Up

2007-06-03T20:11:00.000Z

I know I've been really bad at posting lately, especially tales about me. There's been an awful lot going on, a lot of which has been quite confusing and difficult to sort out in my head.

This, of course, is the very reason I should have tried to get it in writing, it almost definitely would have helped. But life sometimes seems to move so fast eh?

Work has been busy, not sales wise just busy. Staff changes, system changes, end of year meetings etc, have all kept me firmly in the Land of Cheese On Toast. Socially, there have been a good few occassions... remind me to tell you later about the Ice Bar visit, I've got some great photos of the place. Its awesome!

My lodger M is now firmly esconced in this years batch of Big Brother bitches & wannabees and live streaming is ruining my recent efforts to improve my carbon footprint. Other than that he's still the model flatmate. Every now & then I get a text saying "There's a treat in the fridge for you when you get in from work!", and there'll be some Ferrero Rocher or something of the sort waiting for me! Sweet!

As for Phil... thats the confusing part. I've had a bizarre 4 weeks knowing him. Meeting, falling immediately, his honesty about his civil partner and total denial that we could do anything, my admiration of his honesty, commitment and integrity ( so different to J!), his total inability to 'just be my friend', throwing a strop when I kissed someone else in front of him, and therefore our self imposed non-communication of any sorts.

But I miss him.

Blogthingz

2007-05-31T13:38:00.000Z

This is scarily accurate!

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

SYMPTOMS OF BEING OVER 35

2007-05-26T12:54:00.001Z

I promise I will do a 'proper' entry soon, but in the meantime here's another list;

As I was scrolling through this, I was thinking "Well, that's ok, none of these apply to me! I still go clubbing (AND am very often the last to leave!), I buy t-shirts with things written on them and I don't have a disposable income... I've already spent most of it on wine and cigs!

Then, I got to #23 "I remember when there were only 4 TV channels" and remembered saying to my flatmate just this week that I recall when there were only 3 channels, and even they didn't start until midday!

As for this #25..... well I do, but isn't that just a gay thing?

SYMPTOMS OF BEING OVER 35

1. You leave clubs before the end to "beat the rush". (worst still you don't go to the clubs)

2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing the night before.

3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer / basketball player and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.

4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.

5. All of a sudden, middle aged people are not 46, they are only 46.

6. Before going out anywhere, you ask whether there is anywhere to park.

7. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be alright for the DIY or in the garden.

8. You buy T-shirts without anything written on them.

9. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper,you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of most of the things that are in it.

10. You start to worry about your parents' health.

11. You have more disposable income, but everything you want or need to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.

12. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace And Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your children.

13. Pop music all starts to sound the same.

14. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they do a really nice half-bottle of house red.

15. You always have enough milk in.

16. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent trendy bars and restaurants in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.

17. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in. Grand Designs also appeals.

18. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.

19. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.

20. You wish you had a shed.

21. You have a shed.

22. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore" and "I remember when there were only 4 TV channels" and "Not in my day...."

23. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jeremy Vine has some really interesting guests on.

24. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, You tut at rowdy school children.

25. When sitting outside a pub you admire their hanging baskets.

26. You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me"

27. You can agree with at least 15 of these!

2 Tough Questions

2007-05-18T09:50:00.000Z

(You may well have had this in an e-mail that's been doing the rounds for some time, but I thought I'd post it for you anyway!)

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she hadsyphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one (don't cheat!)

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the 3 candidates.

Candidate A.Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had 2 mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon , used opium incollege and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate CHe is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks anoccasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response...

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a littlemore than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line!

With a wife like his...

2007-05-16T16:36:00.000Z

Just saw this on the BBC website;

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

Broadband Emergency!

2007-05-16T16:02:00.000Z

... is the main reason I've not been around much here lately. Apologies to all, especially Vic, who has greeted me on the last two meetings with comments such as "Why haven't you been writing your blog?"

"Hello Vic, I'm fine thanks! How are you?"

Or....

"When you are going to update your blog? I had a stop-over last week, and had nothing to read!"

"I'm sorry...."

Cabin crew... such drama queens! (Vic: I jest!)

Anyway, no broadband is the main reason. Orange as my new provider have had trouble taking the line over and are blaming BT. Bt are blaming Homechoice (the old provider), and I'm sure you can guess who Homechoice are blaming.

Oh what fun I've had finding my way through the endless telephone 'menus', and the joy of recounting the whole history to the umpteenth extremely helpful person in Calcutta.

"You've come to the wrong extension, you'll have to call back and choose option number 6 from the 4th menu on the left just past the Roundabout of Confusion. Have a pleasant day!"

"Why can't you transfer me?"

"We don't have that facility, goodbye."

"What the f.."

*click*

Or this classic line...

"Sorry I can't help you today... our system is down!"

"Funny that", says I, "so's mine!"

One last rant...

2007-04-05T12:33:00.000Z

Now, I swore I wasn't going to blog about HER anymore, because, frankly its getting boring, and so is she!

I've resisted alot over the last few weeks with the multitude of possible one-liners that are presented by her appearances on 'Dancing with the Stars'.

I said NOTHING when it emerged that she was asking for £10,000 A DAY "just to get by" from Sir Paul.

But then I saw these two articles and I couldn't resist any further! Check out these soundbites from the gutter gobbed, self delusional, gold digging bitch that is LAD MUCCA.....

'Mills is seeking for a substantial portion of the former BEATLE's multi-million pound fortune and sole custody of their daughter BEATRICE. Speaking to Britain's Sky News about the divorce settlement, Mills says, "It's like getting blood from a stone. It could take a year, I've got no idea. "It's not down to me, it's all down to me hubby." '

'But she's thrilled public opinion is beginning to turn in her favour - because it means cash for her landmine and anti-animal cruelty charities. She says, "What people didn't realise is the huge responsibility I have in running these charities and getting donations in to stop people being blown up or animals being skinned alive. "When the donations went down because of the bad media, I rang a few editors and said, 'Y'know if you wanna pick on me that's one thing, but you're actually harming lives, don't you feel conscientious about that?' and they said, 'It sells papers, who cares?' and that devastated me. "The charity donations have gone right up and it's a new beginning." '

In truth Heather, that 'blood from a stone' you speak of is his daughter too, lets not forget that, and there has been no proof of him ill-treating her or you! In fact your claims that he cruelly removed your crutches from the side of the bed so that you couldn't use the bathroom at night now look even more laughable after your jive routine last saturday night eh?

"How shall I go down the stairs today Blanche? Shall I hop? Shall I skip? Or shall I can-can?"

Secondly, the Landmills Charity that you "RUN" (what?!), has reported NO rises in their donations at all since you started your shameless trip of self promotion in the USA, as reported in yesterdays Evening Standard.

EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS RUBBISH! STOP TALKING! JUST STOP IT! STOP!

SHHhhh!

Enough!

Phew...

Wow...

That feels better

The Eurovision Countdown Begins! (and another brush with showbiz!)

2007-03-14T11:45:00.000Z

Some of you who have been reading for a while may remember that I am a bit of a fan of the annual naff-fest that is The Eurovision Song Contest.

The contest is now in its 52nd year, growing larger every time new countries get added to tha European Union. I must admit I have no clue where some of the new countries even are! As a result of this growth, the contest now has a qualifying round which some countries have to go through.

The Finnish band Lordi won the contest last year with the song "Hard Rock Hallelujah" with a record 292 points. "Hard Rock Hallelujah" was the first ever hard rock song to win the contest (Eurovision is normally associated with cheesier pop music). This was also Finland's first victory in Eurovision after 40 years of participation, and I hated it!

In the UK, we start the competition with a qualifying show to find our entry. It used to be called "Song For Europe" but was renamed a few years ago as "Making Your Mind Up", a flashback to the days of Bucks Fizz, (the UK winning song in 1981) and when the rest of Europe still liked us enough to vote for us!

(There's a link there especially for you Vic!)

This political voting that always takes over the judging is one of the things that I actually enjoy about it! Booing at the ridiculously obvious favouritism makes me chuckle!

"Nil pwah to ze stoopid English!! Haha!"

I had a bit of an odd introduction to one of the tracks last Saturday night. I was at work, and at about 10pm 4 unfeasibly good looking guys came in, all obviously friends of Dorothy (2QT2BSTR8 as the t-shirt used to say). They really were quite stunning, and fit! They looked like dancers.

At the end of the evening they were the only customers I had left in the restaurant, and were all up practicing a dance routine (I got that right!).

They were having a little bit of trouble with this routine, they couldn't remember the tempo of the music. One of them then asked me if I wouldn't mind putting on their cd so they could run through a quick rehearsal.

I asked what they were rehearsing for. "We're on at GAY in about an hour!"

"Really? Who are you dancing for?" I asked

"One of the Eurovision entries, the girl that used to be in Atomic Kitten" replied the stunningly pretty, blue eyed bit of totty who was now taking his sweat top off while he spoke to me, and the intro to the song began.

"Oh right! Brilliant!" I said as I tried to remain cool and keep my eyes ahead, "Liz McClarnon isn't it? So are you gonna be doing "Making Your Mind Up?""

"I don't know what the songs called to be honest" he said, completely misunderstanding the question. Bless!

"No, I meant the competition actually not the song. It's what the preliminary round's called"

"Oh right! Yeah we are!" He laughed, flashing a beautiful smile.

So there they were, with Liz McClarnons' song blasting out over my speakers, two of them dancing through the routine, while the other guys, one of whom turned out to be the choreographer, watched and laughed about the thongs the guys were going to have to wear on stage.

I was very tempted to suggest they tried a quick dress rehearsal, but refrained! I was at work after all!

Anyway, I organised a taxi for them to get to their gig, and wished them luck. As they left, the choreographer thanked me for all my help, the second time this week I had a good shoulder patting!

They appeared in the red tops the next day here.

"Making Your Mind Up" is on BBC this Friday, 17th March.

YOU KNOW WHO I EXPECT YOU TO VOTE FOR!!

A Terrifying Brush With Celebrity!

2007-03-10T11:47:00.000Z

At last! It feels like spring is starting to raise it's pretty head, flowers are creeping through (even here in Hackney!), and the (possibly imagined) seasonal affectiveness disorder is disappearing like the fog from San Fran Bay.

Monday saw me in a particularly proactive mood at work. On top of my usual Monday morning duties, I got jobs done that have been hanging around for some weeks and still managed to look ahead and start some jobs that I had been planning to sort out later in the month.

Tuesday I had a lovely day off, lazing at home and getting over a Monday night out at Barcode!

Wednesday, however, was the BIG day of the week!

We have a new staff initiative thats been introduced at work and all managers had to roll it out to their respective teams. Now, I'm perfectly comfortable training groups so I had offered the other Managers in my area to send their staff along too if they weren't comfortable doing the training themselves.

As it turned out, a few managers took me up on the offer, and I ended up having to do two sessions to fit everyone in. My Ops Manager sat in on one of the presentations as she hasn't seen me do any training yet. I had about 20 people there and I was all organised with the presentation on PowerPoint, as well as handouts and a flipchart for any additional notes.

Luckily, it went like a dream! The delegates all had fun, really understood the point of the initiative and were both receptive and free with their input. My boss was very impressed and said that she thought I had done an outstanding job!

At 3 o'clock, after the 2nd session of the day, we then had to change the function room from a corporate meeting room to a little girls 5th birthday room for a party that had been booked.

But this was no ordinary little girls 5th birthday party!!

The booking had been made under the name of Jools Oliver. Well, how many Jools Olivers can there be in Hampstead with a 5 year old daughter? So I was kind of prepared for that one, although the irony of one the countries most famous chefs, pioneer of the school dinner makeover and healthy food activist having his daughters birthday party at my place wasn't lost on me.

But I then realised it was actually a HUGE compliment!

Jools had booked a pizza making party for the eldest of their girls, Poppy. The kids always love doing this and it usually provides wonderful photo opportunities for the proud Mums & Dads, who can sit back with a bottle of Pinot Grigio and let me & my staff get on with things!

So I was all set; 20 paper hats, 20 aprons and 20 pizza bases already stretched and 'sauced'. A selection of toppings all laid out in bowls ready for me to tell the kids all about the ingredients (where in the world they come from, what they taste like, how much to use on your pizza etc...)

What I wasn't prepared for was Jamie Oliver himself actually attending! Internal panic set in and the fixed glazed smile appeared. How do you behave? He seems like a pretty down to earth guy, so anything too creepy is going to be naff naff naff! 'Act natural!' I kept saying to myself. But you kind of can't help being a little starstruck, especially if you're a fan (which I am! I'm still kicking myself for not taking my copy of "Jamie's Italy" in with me to get signed!)

I have often put myself in quite scary situations before, but standing in front of Jamie & Jools Oliver, teaching their daughters how to make pizza, was HORRIFYING!!

I don't know how, possibly the 15 or so double lattes and 40 Marlboro Lights I'd had that day, but it worked! Everyone seemed happy, the girls and their class mates enjoyed themselves thoroughly, and Mum & Dad were contented.

Jamie came up to me just after the kids had eaten and shook my hand.

"I'm really sorry mate but I've gotta shoot off," he said, "Well done on a great party!"

"Thanks! I must admit I was a bit worried doing the whole thing in front of you!" I joked.

"No worries mate, it gave me a day off! Top job mate! Good bloke!"

How nice was that eh?

At the end of the party, I gave Jools and her Mum a hand gathering up all the gifts and carrying them out to their driver who was waiting across the road and there were actually paparazzi outside my restaurant!

"Stop! Stop! No more photo's! Flash flash flash!!"

Healthy Country Chicken Casserole

2007-03-06T15:53:00.000Z

I have discovered my true vocation in life; I am a true domestic god(dess)!

Since acquiring the most wanted Christmas present of Le Crueset (albeit by returning of his vile shirt), I have been cooking up a storm in my little kitchen!

I also found a lovely new dinner service and matching wine glass set in the January sales for an absolute bargain of £22 for the lot!! So, all the equipment is here now and I thought it was best to get on and use it!

I have devised the BEST chicken casserole I've ever tasted (though I do say so myself!), all totally fresh, with leeks, celery and carrots. really hearty and healthy, and perfect comfort food for this time of year.

Here's a quick run down...

> Brown off all the ingredients in your choice of butter or oil. I like to use a mixture of the two as the butter adds flavour and the oil stops it burning.

> Add flour. This thickens up the vegetable & chicken juices with the butter and forms your stock. No packet stuff here!! Fill with hot water.

> Add fresh chopped sage & season to taste. Transfer now to a casserole dish.

> Add a basil leaf and put in the oven, low temp for a good hour.

I love this with a baked potato, and fresh asapragus. You can just taste the goodness! Eat your heart out Nigella!!

The Eclipse

2007-03-04T14:25:00.000Z

Last night there was a lunar eclipse. In the photo's it looks great, but looking down over London it didn't look that impressive, rather just like a bloody big cloud across the moon.

Which then reminded me of that Rah Band tune "Clouds Across The Moon", do you remember that?

I then spent the rest of the night, and now probably today with that going round and round in my head!

"Hello? Hello Operator? I... I seem to have lost my connection!"

Apparently, an eclipse of the moon heralds new beginnings. Quite apt for me at present.

I can only hope!

On my way back!

2007-02-28T11:56:00.000Z

I know, I'm crap! I haven't been posting much at all lately and when I have they've been flippant things and not really about anything at all to do with whats really happening in my life, which, hopefully, may be what some readers actually come here for!

I've got to be honest, I have been really down for a while. Having my teeth taken out, then all the shit with Jay (and there's actually more, but I just don't want to dwell on that ), I really did get my confidence knocked for a while.

Add to that problems at work, with staff mainly, that have left me feeling unable to cope and doubting my own ability, and the last thing I've felt like doing is writing it all down here. That probably would have been the really sensible thing do though, to use this blog as a personal 'off load' tool. Instead, I have just been wayward.

I have been drinking too much, sleeping around too much (last week I woke up in 5 different beds... none of them mine!), and basically doing all the stuff that I originally went to counselling last year to try and stop.

So, the counselling didn't work, because otherwise I would have found a different way to deal with the feelings of rejection, and lack of self worth, that I felt after him.

But I also think that maybe thats just 'what I do'. Perhaps it's my own way of grieving, but does that make it right? Of course not, not if it's not what I want to do.

The other thing I've noticed is that this is exactly the same time of year that I went through exactly the same shit after The Hairdresser. Is there a touch of 'seasonal affectiveness disorder' here, or am I just scrabbling for excuses via hypochondria?

I do know that I desperately miss the sun, and hate not being able to afford a quick trip away somewhere to find some, and I also know that the big turn-around day for me was Tuesday; the first bright, spring like day that we've had this year. My mood lifted & my work was excellent; I was proactive, efficient, affable and confident.

I have achieved alot this year already, and had some great nights out (as well as the random ones, but I'm trying to focus on the positive here!). I regret not keeping this blog up to date, because I feel I have so much to tell you all (I will have to backlog some stories soon).

But I do also feel that I'm starting to get back to me.

My Own Desiderata

2007-02-23T13:13:00.000Z

(The real Desiderata is here)

Tread placidly on anyone who looks at you sideways. Wear cotton fresh socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction: tell people you’re fifty-seven and they’ll think you look really great. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. Boo joggers; don’t work-out, work-in.

Learn to play the flumpet. Sleep with somebody you like. Eat plenty of blue Liquorice Allsorts, but campaign against blue Smarties. Try to do a job you love. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "Fuck you all!!" at the top of your voice. Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Don’t wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes, after that, who cares? ... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes. Avoid people who say they know the answer but keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Don’t pat animals with sneaky eyes. Avoid giving ecstacy to guide dogs for they will not find the way.

But above all, make your life extraordinary.

WICKED WINNER! BEST NEW MUSICAL

2007-02-15T20:14:00.000Z

Whatsonstage.com Theatregoers’ Choice Awards 2007

"The hit musical WICKED has emerged as the year’s biggest winner at the Whatsonstage.com Theatregoers’ Choice Awards 2007, winning Best New Musical, Best Design, Best Actress in a Musical and Best Supporting Actress in a Musical. "

"Based on Gregory Maguire's acclaimed novel, the spellbinding WICKED transports audiences to a spectacular fantasy world of wizardry, witchcraft, sorcery and spells to tell the incredible untold story of an extraordinary friendship between two girls: the blond and popular Glinda and the misunderstood green girl, Elphaba, whose destiny is to become the infamous Wicked Witch of the West. "

"The record-breaking sensation of London’s theatreland, WICKED is now booking until 29 March 2008 and has just announced that Susie Blake (who has been playing Bev Unwin in Coronation Street for the past four years) will star as Madame Morrible from 2 April 2007."

“WICKED is a phenomenon and phenomenal.” Mark Shenton, Sunday Express

A Memory Vanished

2007-02-13T13:46:00.000Z

Following an earlier post where I mentioned my history as a Butlins Redcoat at The Ocean Hotel in Saltdean, just outside Brighton, I noticed a hit from a Saltdean website search engine.

Tracing it back to the website, I found this photo...

The steps coming down the back were the entrance to the pool from the cafe, which was where the windows go right along the back. You can make out the pools fountain there on the blue wall.

My bedroom was on the top floor of the block on the left hand side, all the Redcoats lived up there. My room was the one right on the corner. I had windows on two sides, overlooking the sea and the pool. The fire exit there, above the red door, that led to the pool side was like my personal balcony! I was 18, discovering independance and, for a young gay guy, Brighton in 1987 couldn't have been a better home! I had a ball!

I wish I hadn't seen this photo, I prefer it like this...

Dreamgirls... a delayed review!

2007-02-13T12:39:00.000Z

I'm fairly sure I don't need to tell you the story of 'Dreamgirls'. The well-documented tale of a girl group hitting the uber-heights of stardom via an underhanded switch of lead singers is famous.

What's a little fuzzy here is whether that switch happened purely as a result of their managers love for 'Deena' (the Diana Ross character), played by Beyonce, or if he just sees her voice as being weaker, less 'black', and therefore more likely to cross over to the white dominated charts. In fact, quite a lot gets glossed over as the movie speeds through race riots and political changes quicker than is maybe necessary.

Jennifer Hudson as the slightly too large vocalist with an amazing voice, Effie White, effortlessly steals the movie right out from underneath Beyonces perfectly formed nose. She has undoubtedly the best two numbers in the movie; "One Night Only" and the drag queen anthem "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going", both of which she delivers with passion and relish. The night I saw the movie the latter got a round of applause from the audience, something you rarely see in a cinema! If she doesn't win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, I'll eat my wigs!

Eddie Murphy puts in the only other notable performance as a James Brown-come-Little Richard star whose career is firmly in the descendant. His drug problem is another part of the history thats shown briefly but never fully told or finalised.

Beyonce adds style and glamour when Deena's performing, and she has the Ross mannerisms down to a tee, all coy looks and hunched shoulders. Sometimes its uncanny. The problem here though is that her vocal is TOO strong, there are some songs that seem to support the managers choice to make her the lead and this undermines the story.

If you know the real life story of the Supremes you easily spot all the similarities. The girls start as 'The Dreamettes' (The Supremes started as 'The Pippettes'), before becoming the 'Dreams' and then 'Deena Jones and the Dreams'. Deenas manager is fixated with her starring in a remake of 'Cleopatra', thinking that its a great idea for her to play one of the biggest ever white icons. In reality of course, Diana Ross played the lead in the black version of 'The Wizard of Oz', possibly for the same reason. Songs get stolen and peoples lives, most obviously Effies, get trodden on. Deena ends up... well, maybe I won't tell you that bit.

However, if you don't know the legend that the movie is based on, as my companions that night didn't, then the movie is not compelling enough to stand on its own. Beyonce and Jamie Foxx are quite wooden in their scenes together and you don't really care enough about them enough or how their relationship will pan out. It left me feeling I missed the true magic of the show by not seeing it on stage, where I think the spectacle would have hidden the drab script more successfully.

Dreamgirls AT LAST!

2007-02-01T18:40:00.000Z

Tomorrow is the opening of, arguably, the most exciting film for us 'boyz' in years!

G&V and I will be in Leicester Square.... I can't wait!
Will review at the weekend

Useless Information Titbit #42

2007-01-30T15:36:00.000Z

Gordon Bennett, whose name became an expletive, was born in 1841. By the age of 25 he was earning over a million dollars a year after tax.

He got through $40million in his lifetime. He paid $2,000,000 for a yacht which had a specially designed room for an Alderney cow to supply him with fresh milk.

He once tipped a porter $14,000 & bought a Monte Carlo restaurant on the spot when he arrived to find his regular table was occupied. He had the offending party evicted, sat down at his table, then gave the restaurant to one of the waiters!

He was the man who commissioned Stanley to find Livingstone.

Pointless I know, but it may fill a gap in a conversation one night in the pub!

Though, if it's come to that, you're probably better off going home.

AWOL

2007-01-29T12:52:00.000Z

I thought I'd better post a paragraph or two as I haven't been around much lately and I don't want to lose what few regular readers I've managed to build up in my first year here (love ya!!)

I've been distinctly short of inspiration lately. Well, to be honest, it just hasn't been a very inspiring year so far. I found out more news about Jay; that he'd infact been living back at his ex's for the last 4 months we were seeing each other. This explains an awful lot, and though I do believe that it is a completely non-sexual arrangement, the lack of honesty, respect and anything else that's decent, has been really hard to deal with.

I have text him a few times, which I know I shouldn't but I just have so many questions that need answering and I was seeking some closure. OK, maybe I bordered on obsessing about it for a few days. But I got no replies. The guy doesn't even have enough respect to say sorry.

Quelle f**king surprise!!

It leaves you feeling really empty when you get treated like this. You start thinking you really must be a c**t for someone to believe it's ok to mess you around so much. It's soul destroying.

Someone once told me that people will only treat you in the way you allow yourself to be treated. This has been going round in my head loads lately. Am I a doormat? Am I that desperate to be loved that I allow myself to be blinded? Was I obviously that weak that he spotted an easy target?

The other thing I've heard lately (I think it was on a rerun of 'Sex & the City'... which is often as useful as any counselling session!) is that we tend to believe only the bad things that people say about us. I think this is so true.

Example: I went out for dinner a couple of weeks ago with Alfie. He said some beautiful things about me... that I was handsome, fun, intelligent and had loads to give the right person when they (eventually) came along. But did I take that on board? Of course not! I continued to dwell on the non-verbal message I'd got from Jay.

Then last week I went for dinner at G&V's. I had a lovely evening, although I was worrying for a lot of it that I wasn't being 'fun enough' or 'interesting enough'. But looking at them together was so lovely, and inspiring, that it actually helped me get over Jay. They are such a lovely couple, and you can't imagine either of them with anyone else. They will soon move into their new place together and are so looking forward to their future. (But not in one of those really horrible 'we,we,we' ways that makes you feel sick... do you know what I mean?)

I left and walked up to the bus stop and thought to myself that I want to be THAT happy, and I reaffirmed within myself that I don't actually need anyone else to be a part of my life to MAKE me that happy!

So, I've been throwing myself into work, which is going great. I'm sorting out a few personal issues, getting back on track with cardiac appointments, keeping up the dental work and hygienist visits, and will re-emerge, like a phoenix from the flames!

Then Jay can kiss my butt!

7 Successes & 5 Secrets Pt 2

2007-01-16T14:56:00.001Z

Well it's been a couple of days since I wrote the first part of this tag, so I've had plenty of time to think about which 5 things that you don't know about me are fit to print! Apologies to TroubledDiva for the late response!

I've had what some may call a 'chequered past', I prefer to call it colourful, so I thought I'd divulge 5 parts of my personal history that I've been meaning to blog for a while. I hope you find them enlightening!

1) My Famous Aunt

This may come as little surprise to those who know me well personally, but I'll write it for the rest of you; I led quite a 'showbiz-y' childhood. My Mum is an ex-Dancer you see and when I was much younger she still had a few friends in 'the business'.

Way back in '74 we went to see an old friend of hers, Tommy Godfrey, an actor probably best known as Sid the Caretaker in 70's 'comedy' "Mind Your Language", and met a young singer called Tammy Jones. Tammy quickly became a close friend of the families, and a regular at my parents parties. I used to call her Auntie Tammy.

Soon after we met her, she entered 'Opportunity Knocks', a TV talent show, singing "Let Me Try Again". She won five times, becoming the longest winner until Bernie Flint won six times in a row. Her single went to # 5 in the charts in April '75, and the album of the same name topped the charts also.

Later that year she entered 'Song for Europe' singing "Love's A Carousel". Sadly she came 6th, but at least she lost to 'Brotherhood of Man' who went on to win the Eurovision. I think this is where my fondness for the competition came from! Another album followed and she was named highest selling female recording artiste of 1975.

From then until the end of the decade we would spend some of our holidays with Tammy wherever she was working. She would rent a house for summer seasons at places like Great Yarmouth and Eastbourne, towns that had the end-of-the-pier theatres that are sadly disappearing, and we would stay with her. I remember spending a lot of time backstage with people like Marti Caine (I used to stand behind her on a chair to help do the top of her dress up!), Les Dawson and Jim Davidson.The Christmas holidays where a similiar thing, full of panto's and magic!

Very often we'd all meet her after the show, and go for dinner with all the acts, along with any others that were in the same town at other theatres. I remember sitting next to John Inman and Bobby Crush one night which was quite a frightening experience for a five year old boy!

I remember also one night in a Greek restaurant in Bradford, where Tammy was doing 'Cinderella' at the Alhambra Theatre. The owner was so impressed that he had Tammy Jones in his restaurant that he got her up to sing. She did gladly; she was always happiest singing, especially after a few drinks! In fact, this actually got us a visit from the police one night when Tammy started belting her lungs out in our back garden at one of my parents bar-b-q's. As soon as the policemen saw who was causing the noise though, they came in and joined the party for a while!

2) Me As A Performer

I suppose, growing up like this, it was inevitable that the stage would draw me in sooner or later! At senior school I was very lucky to have an excellent drama teacher, Frank Whately. He used to regularly cast me in school plays, and I started as Puck in Midsummers Nights Dream when I was 13.

Through him I got involved with the National Youth Music Theatre too as he and our music teacher, David Nield wrote many of their shows. I even had a part written with me in mind for the show 'The Ragged Child'. It was the lead role, and the show was to be staged at Sadlers Wells. It also went to the Edinburgh Festival and was then made into an album, but I had decided to leave school so I couldn't be a part of it. This is a HUGE regret!

When I left school at 16 I joined an amateur group to play Artful Dodger in Oliver! at Wimbledon Theatre. This led on to me playing leads for various groups in, amongst others, 'Godspell', 'Little Shop of Horrors', 'Anything Goes', 'Cabaret' and the amateur debut of 'Me & My Girl' at the Epsom Playhouse.

I must get some photo's scanned and put on here one day!

3) Butlins

I briefly mentioned this once before but thought I'd slip it in again!

In 1989, having just done a dance show called 'Timestep' in Putney, I went and auditioned at Butlins to become a dancer at one of their hotels. I went because it was the only audition in The Stage for weeks that didn't require Equity membership!

I got the job and spent the summer of '88 at The Ocean Hotel in Saltdean, just outside Brighton. I would do redcoat duties during the day, and in the evening take part in the cabaret. We had different guests most evenings, and every saturday was Susan Maughan, of 'Bobbys Girl' fame.

So for the summer of '89 I would spend every saturday being 'Bobby', dancing round Susan Maughan as she sang her biggest hit.

4) Life's A Drag

Yes it's true! I did do drag! Now, this may not sound like a revelation, after all most gay men have, at some time or another, donned a frock at some point for a party or a bet, but I mean I did it semi-professionally for a while! No half measures here!

It was around 1989 and I was living in Ipswich (just don't ask!). Our local gay pub decided they would throw an amateur drag night in an attempt to 'liven the place up a bit'. Unsurprisingly, come the week of the contest they had only one entrant and the owners came and asked me & my flatmate if we would PLEASE take part and help get the night going!

Well, we were young and up for a laugh so we agreed. We got some fab little mini dresses, and worked out a couple of mime routines. I think we chose 'It's Raining Men' and 'Enough is Enough' for that first night.

Though I say so myself, we were pretty damn good actually, and stormed the night, winning champagne and some cash! In fact, we were so good that the owners asked if we would do a full cabaret there! £100 for a 45 minute show. "OK! You're on!" said I, idiotically.

We called ourselves 'Bittersweet' ("I'm the sweet one!"), and worked on more numbers and got more costumes and proper wigs. The full show went down equally well, and we were asked to start doing them regularly. It all started taking on a life of its own.

One night, after a show, we threw our frocks, feathers, wigs and stilletoes in the back of the car and drove down to London to have a night out with our cabaret wages. We partied all night and slept in the car, ducking into a McDonalds in the morning to wash. We went to a pub at lunchtime with our last £5, and, as I glanced through a copy of Boyz paper, I noticed that there was a sunday afternoon amateur drag contest at a pub in Kings Cross. Well, as we had the stuff in the car we thought we'd see if we'd be able to win in London.

We won! We won the final a few weeks later too... more champagne and cash! There was an agent there and we were signed up to them before we could get out of our heels!

For the next coupleof months we were sent all over the place, mostly to pubs that more established acts wouldn't work in! It didn't last for long as we really couldn't keep travelling round the country at weekends when we both had full time jobs, but it was quite good fun for a while.

5) My Ex-Husband

1994, and gay 'weddings' were a long way off. I was dating a singer (the showbiz theme continues), as well as being his manager. I was about 24.

We'd met via a boyband I was in (should this have been number 5 really?). He was on the books at the same agency and we frequently ended up doing showcase nights or nightclub PA's together. It wasn't long before we were became an item.

After some disputes with our manager, the boyband left the agency and I was nominated to take over the business side of the band. Then he left the agency too so I started looking after him too. We got a production deal for him, and a record deal soon followed. In fact, I co-wrote the b-side, the a-side being a cheesy, typically gay club, cover version. It was number 1 in the pop-tip charts for about 9 weeks, and even longer in the charts published in Boyz.

In September of that year we had a 'blessing', performed by a gay minister. It was quite a small 'do' in comparative terms but we just wanted to make a public commitment. My family came, and my Nephew, who was only about 2 or 3 then, was the ring bearer in a little sailors outfit. He looked gorgeous!

Sadly, it only lasted about 2 years. The stresses of working and living together 24/7 became too much and it became irretrievable. But I'm so proud we did it, and have really fond memories of our few years together. We had a lot of fun with the gigs, pa's, radio roadshow tours and the like.

When we split, a leading gay entertainments agency offered me a job as they'd been impressed by what I'd done for my ex, but after a short while I realised the tantrums of the gay scene divas weren't for me and went back to work in restaurants.

Sorry it's taken so long to put this together, but it turned into quite a trip down memory lane for me. I hope it's been as enjoyable to read as it was to write!

7 Successes & 5 Secrets Pt 1

2007-01-13T12:26:00.000Z

I'd not heard of a meme until a few days ago when Troubled Diva tagged me with one! Maybe it's a practice that's died out a little as I've not been aware of it at all in my first virtual year (I mean that in both senses of the word virtual; 1st anniversary pending!)

So anyway, it's high time I got on with a response. It's been tough chewing over the subject, 7 Successes and 5 Things You Don't Know About Me. So much of my blog is personal that I've written about most of these things as they've happened, and if I haven't it's probably because I don't want you to know!

Anyway, let's get going. Successes first... Please note: these are not in order!!

1) My Friends

Maintaining friendships, and discovering which ones are worth emotional investment is probably one of the hardest parts of adult life in a world as busy as ours. I've always held the theory that people you meet are either for a lifetime, a reason or a season.

Distinguishing and recognising who fits in where is crucial, and we've all made mistakes. This year, I've made some mistakes; Jay for instance was there for a reason; I needed to learn to love myself and accept my worth as a human being. I thought he was a lifetime though, hence the huge disappointment. Others have run the risk of being for a season, but through effort and love we've kept them going. I'm not just proud of this, but thankful also.

2) My home!

I've got myself out of the shithole that I was sharing with 3 other gay guys, a lesbian, and 3 cats (I used to call it 'Four Poofs & Four Pussies', I'm kind of sorry about that now, so un-PC!) It really was a dive though, so much so that some of my friends refused to eat there! We had 1 tiny kitchen and 1 bathroom between the five of us. Kim & Aggie would have had a field day!

I've swapped it for my lovely apartment and am now on the London property ladder, a notoriously hard place to get to!

I love my little pad, and have a lodger now too which helps out with the finances alot! I've picked well there too, he's a great guy, so that's another success but I guess putting it seperately is a bit of a cheat!

Most importantly; I can see myself staying for here a while. It's about time I put down some roots, and Hackney is way better than Phil & Kirsty would have you think!

3) My Job!
I've got my own little restaurant at last, via a few months in Head Office. I love being in Hampstead village, and I've weeded out the two bad apples in the crew. This means the others have now started working exactly as they should, and not out of fear but out of respect; for me and for the restaurant as they always knew it could be.

I've been there just 6 weeks, but it's already a cleaner, happier place with a really positive 'vibe' about it. I'm very proud of this!

4) My Hobby!
As I mentioned earlier, I've virtually completed my first year of blogging. By doing this, I've kep contact with some great friends, and made quite a few new ones (see the blog roll in the sidebar). I have regular readers from Portland to Thailand, and South Africa to Hong Kong. All of you make logging on an exciting experience for me daily!

I've also had an outlet for my thoughts and ideas, a chance to write, and an opportunity to make sense of myself. Self realisation has been in abundance and it's been a massively worthwhile experience.

5) Family birthdays!
I've helped organise some great days! The Sis's 40th was particularly notable, as the occassion prescribes, but Mum's was also good, and Nans 90th was a lovely day too! Mini J's was the trip to Blue Man Group which was superb. We've had some really lovely family days, and thats the most important thing really.

6) Small Achievements...
This seems like a really silly one, but the sense of achievement here was massive! I've completed the hardest SuDoku I've ever attempted! The Friday Deadly Killer; target time 55 minutes, no numbers to start with... AND I CAN DO THEM EVERY WEEK NOW!!

And lastly...
I've survived! Ok, so only just! But two years after the heart attack and 10 years on from the HIV diagnosis, I'M STILL HERE!!

This has taken me a lot longer than expected, so I'll carry on with the

'5 things you don't know...' tomorrow. See you then!

I'm a Walking Disaster Area... Beware!

2007-01-10T15:49:00.000Z

When I was a child, 'Walking Disaster Area' was my Dads nickname for me. It was borne out of the fact that there seemed to be weekly visits to Kingston Hospitals A&E Dept. It was once suggested that they should just reserve a bed for me.

I lost the end of my little finger trapping it in a door when I couldn't even walk properly, I split my chin open three times, and my head twice. I bought my Dad an Army pen knife while on a school holiday to Switzerland (unbelievable that this was allowed!), and then tested it on my jeans, only to find it was actually sharp enough to go straight through to my leg too!

My curse has continued into adulthood, with various illnesses and traumas meaning that I have a lifetime of consultants and check-ups to look forward to.

The curse doesn't seem to be limited to just me either. It can, and does, extend to the immediate area around me. My time at the Islington restaurant had a few disasters while I was there, and since I've been at Hampstead there have been a couple too.

Firstly, the road outside the restaurant subsiding on the Saturday evening before Christmas. It literally just sank! About 4ft down, with lamposts and bus stops going askew. By the next morning it had been dug out to about 20ft round and 15ft deep as Thames Water tried to sort the issue out, meaning we lost all electrics and water supply on our busiest weekend. Then yesterday the underground station was closed and evacuated when a fire broke out in their pipes and black smoke started pouring out onto the street from a vent just outside my restaurant.

Yesterday evening, the most recent attack of the jinx happened. Just after writing yesterdays entry about two upcoming dates, one of which I was particualrly excited about, I stood up from my chair to get myself ready for a dinner with Alfie. As I'd been sat with my legs crossed, my left leg had 'gone to sleep'. I put my weight on it to try to get it working and then took a step onto my right leg to balance.

Now, at this point those of you with a fragile constitution should skip a paragraph.

As I then moved my sleepy left leg forward, I was unaware that the foot had just flopped down, limp as an old lettuce leaf, so when I went to stand on it again I put all my weight onto the front tip of the big toe and cracked it back under my body, twisting my knee underneath me as the hallway carpet rushed up to meet my cheek.

So now, my toe looks like a nuclear sized black olive, and both dates are cancelled. I have a cold, and my jaws are aching so much that I have taken the new teeth out. I therefore can't walk or eat. I am feeling thoroughly horrible, old and very sorry for myself.

New Year, New Restaurant, New Teeth, New Man...? Oh, and a new casserole dish!

2007-01-09T16:57:00.000Z

Yes, new teeth.

I've been having problems for some time with mine. Partly an HIV thing, which at least means I get my mouthwash free from the doc. It culminated towards the end of last year with being told that I had periodontitis and would have to lose some.

Last Tuesday, 2nd Jan, I went and had the extractions. 8 in total. Happy Bloody New Bloody Year! It took 10 vials of anaesthetic to get me numb but the procedure still hurt like mad. One in particular felt like someone was trying to pull a finger straight out of my hand, but with worse sound effects!

I now have 4 very realistic looking front false teeth, and the two molars taken out each side at the back have just been replaced by one each to give me more room in there. The plate's still not very comfortable, but the gums will take time to heal, and I'm going back tomorrow to get the it adjusted.

I also have two dates tomorrow. Yes, really... two! Not at the same time either, in case that's what's crossing your dirty little minds!

Firstly, at lunchtime, I'm going to meet a guy I met on Saturday night when I went for a drink after work. We're going to go to London Zoo, purely because I've never been and I want to! I'll post pictures of any animals that aren't hibernating!

Then in the evening, I'm meeting a guy I originally met a couple of years ago. We had a 'brief encounter' (i.e a one night stand) after eyeing each other up in the Black Cap in Camden and I went back to his house. I remember it being a very smart place with lots of photo's round the lounge of him meeting various high-up politicians, including one of him & Margaret Thatcher.

It was about a week or so later when I opened The Times to see his photo. It turned out he's a journalist and wrote a weekly column for them. Then one morning I turned on breakfast TV to see him chatting away to Natasha Kaplinsky on the sofa!

Well, just before Christmas I was sitting in the King William in Hampstead and in he walked. I smiled and nodded a 'hello' to him, which he returned, then he took a seat on the barstool next to me. We chatted some pleasantries for a short while, then I said "You don't remember me do you?"

He looked shocked and admitted he didn't. I explained, briefly, where we'd met. I also admitted that I did have a huge advantage on remembering him as I read his column fairly frequently, and have seen him on tv a few times too.

"Well I'm not surprised I took you home, after all you are very handsome," he smiled, "but I am surprised I didn't take your number and see you again."

"Well, it's a good job you've got this second chance then eh?" I joked.

He has now moved to another broadsheet and writes a daily column. He has also sold up in Camden and just moved into a place in Hampstead Village (along with his weekend home in the Cotswolds!)

I also took Jays horrible Christmas present shirt back to Selfridges! Now, I've always wanted a Crueset casserole dish, but they are ridiculously expensive and I could never warrant the spend. But there I was, with £75's worth of vouchers and they were all reduced in the January Sale. YAY!

So I bought one, and with enough left over to buy a lasagne dish from the same range. It was a bittersweet moment; I never imagined I'd be buying my first Crueset on my own, with vouchers from a returned, ill chosen, present from a lying ex.

Not that I ever actually *imagined* buying my first Crueset.....

Not Been Around Much Lately

2007-01-06T13:06:00.000Z

I had a comment from a regular reader yesterday that I haven't been blogging recently. To be honest, I've not had a great Christmas and New Year and I didn't want to write boring, miserable rubbish that would bring other people down during their holidays.

To start with I only had the one day off, the 25th, so I wasn't full of festive spirit anyway. My mobile buggered up on the 23rd too so I couldn't even get hold of most people I know, because that's where I store their numbers.

On the Monday, the 18th, Jay got in touch saying he wanted to meet me, take me for dinner and give me a gift. We arranged the 22nd, 10:30pm at London Bridge station.

On that Friday 22nd I went with G&V and some other friends to see "The Little Shop of Horrors" at The Chocolate Factory. It was an excellent show! This was the highlight of my Christmas. The cast, and the set were fabulous! They were all going into town for drinks after, but I left them to go and meet Jay.

He didn't make it, texting that he was feeling rough from a big night the day before. I got the message at 10:35, while I was standing in the station forecourt, gifts in hand and freezing cold. I went back to meet up my friends, who I should never have left, feeling so stupid and foolish.

When they all went home, I stayed out. I decided to go to Central Station in Kings Cross. Believe it or not, Jay was there! Fireworks followed! I had his gifts with me but refused to give them to him, saying he wasn't worthy of anything from me. He looked pathetic, "But I've bought you something really nice" he said "Please meet me tomorrow?"

The following morning he text me, asking to meet me for lunch at 2pm. I agreed, god knows why, but ended up running late and when I got there at 2:30 he was waiting out in the street, saying he'd got bored waiting in the restaurant. He handed me a Selfridges bag with a Ted Baker shirt in it.

"Sorry it's not wrapped," he said.

The shirt was horrid, not 'me' at all. Ironically, I'd also bought him a shirt, a crisp white boxed set, with silk tie and silver cufflinks. I'd also found a bear dressed in a Gordon Ramsey chef outfit, in memory of my birthday at Claridges. I also wanted to invite him to Manchester to see Kylie with me.

"I'll put the receipt in the bag so you can change it if you want," he added. I'd obviously not hidden my disappointment too well!

After we parted, and I was on my way to work, I looked at the receipt.

23/12/06 14:11 Yup! he'd actually gone to Selfridges that day while he waited for me. This explained why he hadn't met me the night before, because he hadn't yet got round to getting me anything and had been lying all week.

I stewed over this all Christmas, at home on my own on Christmas day, mobile knackered, feeling sick thinking about him. On Boxing Day I sent this e-mail from work;

"Hey Jason,

How was your time off? I hope you had fun!

You'll be reading this on the 2nd probably, so I'll be in hospital. Great way to start the year eh?

Sorry to do this by e-mail, but I just wanted to let you know that I know what a useless liar you are. Last week you said right from the start that you'd bought me a great gift, and you wanted to give it to me over dinner. Well maybe you were trying to impress me, but it was a lie, and liars never impress me. I thought you'd have known that by now.

You even repeated the claim on Friday night when I caught you in Central Station. You were lying again, not just about the gift now, but also about why you couldn't meet me at London Bridge that night. On the Saturday, you lied more about waiting for me in the restaurant until 2 0'clock when they closed. Your lie just grew and grew.

It turned out pretty good for you that I ran late that day eh? It gave you time to nip into Selfridges and get the shirt right?

'23/12/2006 14:11' the receipt says.

And to think I was so worried about keeping you waiting!

So I just want to say forget that Manchester we talked about going on, I'll sell the Kylie tickets. In fact, unless you can pull the old Jason, or a new-improved honest one, out of the bag, then please forget me also. I'm going to do my best now to try and forget you too.

I've given you so much patience, consideration and support, and all you've given me is rubbish. Think back over the last six months and all I've done for you, for very little in return emotionally. Not content with messing up these last six months, letting me down at every opportunity, you then had to ruin my Christmas. I felt physically sick for most of it. Sick that I'd been made such an idiot. I've never lied to you Jason, about anything, and you should know that. I, on the other hand, can't believe a word you've ever said.

Good luck in your new home, and I wish you a happy and prosperous 2007 - I hope it turns out better for both of us than this one.

Paul"

A Brief Round-Up

2006-12-31T15:57:00.000Z

I thought I'd do a quick review of my first year here in Blogland, it's been a really worthwhile experience writing on here, and I've picked up some lovely acquaintances. I can only hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed musing!

These have been some of my personal favourite entries;

Most Critically Acclaimed Entry;

The criteria here was a comment made to me by Troubled Diva, a great blogger and the worthy recipient of a few genuine awards!

To Alfie

Most Commented On Entry;

My sisters 40th birthday got the highest amount. Glad you all approved!

So Much Happening Lately

My Favourite Poem;

Not that I've written many, but I was really proud of this! Ode To Ken

My Favourite Outing;

There have been loads actually. In fact I think I've been really lucky this year on the whole. For pure once-in-a-lifetime luxury with a fair sprinkling of romance thrown in, it was probably Claridges

But I think 'Wicked!' was actually my favourite outing overall.

Most Googled Entry;

Bizarrely, the words most used on google to find my site (apart from TGI Paul itself, which is usually Vic when he's away working) were these ones...

Pointless Family Photo of the Year Award

The Person I've Loved To Hate Most;

Easily Heather McCartney Mills, couldn't you tell?

It's not been a bad year at all, I think I've achieved lots; I've moved into my own apartment, (I even had a boyf here too for a while! lol!), I'm now in full command of my own branch of The PizzaPlace, which is going fine, I've maintained friendships with some great people and made friends with a few more. There have been some great days out, a lovely Valentines with Alfie, partying with pop stars and great birthdays with all the family.

There's been some loves and some losses, but, as painful as they've been, I'm ok. I can't deny I'd like things to be different, but they're not, so I just have to live with it. 2007 can only see an improvement on that front!

I wish you all a very happy, peaceful and prosperous new year, and hope all your wishes come true!

Paul xx

Elf yourself!

2006-12-31T15:19:00.000Z

I just found this on Reluctant Nomads blog, it's silly but fun!

elf yourself here

A Politically Correct Christmas Wish

2006-12-23T12:41:00.000Z

Holiday Greetings to Everyone

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that England is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

The Wisher

(printed courtesy of my fabulous friend Vic, of G&V fame)

December 16th 2004

2006-12-17T11:11:00.000Z

There are some days you will simply never forget, each detail embedded in your memory like a permanent stain. Sometimes they're wonderful days, birthdays at Claridges or The Ritz, or your first 'Pride'. Sometimes days stay in your head for worse reasons. Two years ago was one of those. This is what happened;

I woke up fairly late that day, after 11am. I was the Assistant Manager at the PizzaPlace in Islington at the time, and was going to be working the evening shift that day. I had the usual morning smokers cough; I'd been smoking quite a lot lately, and not living too healthily. I'd recently split up with a guy who I'd really fallen for and taken things pretty badly (oh, how history repeats itself!).

The cough was more vicious than normal though that day, and the pain in my chest was really uncomfortable too. Too many poppers last night probably, and the walk back from the club at 3am in the cold can't have helped.

My chest was starting to hurt now. I tried to keep still and let it pass, lying down was uncomfortable though, and sitting up just seemed to put more pressure on the cramps that I was getting. The coughing was getting worse as well. I've had heartburn before so it was a familiar feeling and I knew what I needed. I managed to get myself up, spluttering, and made my way down the two flights of stairs to the lounge.

My landlord from the time was sitting in the dining room,

"You sound healthy!" he called out.

"You know if I didn't know any better, I'd think I was having a heart attack! Can you do me a favour and just nip to the chemist? I could really do with some Gaviscon."

Thankfully, there was a chemist directly opposite the old flat, so I knew relief wasn't far off. I poured myself a large glass of water. I was really getting hot now, a flush coming over me in hot sweats and breathing was starting to get difficult. The chest pain was starting to become overwhelming.

I made my way back up to my bedroom. He seemed to be taking ages. The pain was starting to move into my arms, and I could feel my thighs tingling. The sweats were making me gasp for breath, and I hung out of the window to try and get some air. Then the water starting coming back up, and I ran to the bathroom. Vomiting pure water into the sink, it was becoming hard to stand.

I lay back on my bed, writhing, trying to find a position I could get comfortable in. I picked up my mobile and dialled the restaurants number. I noticed it was now midday.

"I'm really sorry Vania, but I'm having terrible heartburn at the minute. I don't think I'll be in tonight." God knows what I must have sounded like.

"Don't worry darling," she replied, "you just have a good rest."

At last, my landlord was back, two Gaviscons in hand which I immediately started drinking straight out of the bottle. "Paul, I've really got to get to work soon, but do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No thanks love. I'll just let this stuff get to work. I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Where's the pain?"

"Right through my arms now, and moving down my thighs too. If it's not getting better in half an hour, I'll call an ambulance myself. Don't worry, really."

"This isn't heartburn," he said. "I'm calling you an ambulance."

Within a matter of minutes the ambulance had arrived. My room was on the third floor, right at the top of the house, so it took a little while for the two medics to get themselves, the oxygen tank and various equipment all the way up. As soon as the oxygen mask was attached I started feeling a modicum of relief. That cold fresh air was like an elixir.

They asked if I had any conditions that I was taking medication for. That's the first time my landlord knew I was HIV+ and I spotted the shock on his face. I felt so ashamed him hearing it like this, like I'd kept it a secret from him.

The blood pressure balloon was strapped to my arm, and the stethoscope was checking out my pulse on various parts of my body. Oddly, even the steely coldness of that actually felt lovely against my clammy skin.

One of the medics said they would want to take me out to the ambulance to run an ECG (electrocardiogram). Getting a feeble me, the oxygen tank and the machine down three narrow flights of stairs was a tricky manoeuvre, but the two medics were obviously dab hands at this.

Out in the street, I was helped into the back of the ambulance. One of the guys took off my t-shirt while the other started getting the electrodes out and attaching them to my chest. I was crying with the intensity of the pain, so while one medic watched the ECG monitor, the other said "I'm going to give you an injection to help with the pain."

I don't know why, but I asked what he was injecting me with.

"Morphine."

Shit!

This really is serious then. I remember when someone in the family was very ill, and my Mum said to me "Well, he's on morphine now, so you know he's pretty near the end. They only use that when it's the end" My Mothers voice ran vividly, on loop, over and over in my head.

The pain gradually started to ease off. The medic that had been watching the monitor got out at the back of the ambulance, and I could hear him getting into the cab at the front. I could see my Landlord shivering out in the road. The other one knelt down next to me and rested his elbows up on the side of the trolley I was lying on. He settled his chin on his crossed hands and very calmly said;

"We're not really meant to give a diagnosis, but it looks like you're having a heart attack. We should take you to Accident & Emergency, where they'll fill you with clot buster drugs, then wait for an appointment at the London Chest Hospital for an examination, but as we're just down the road from the Chest Hospital, my mate's on the radio to see if we can take you straight there. Just hold tight here for a minute." I nodded at him, tears on my face, and he tapped my arm for comfort.

He got the nod from the other driver, "We're off then!" he said as he started strapping me onto the trolley. My Landlord climbed into the ambulance with me. He said something, but I'm not clear what it was.

"The lights and the siren are going on, but there's nothing to be scared of."

We were there so quickly probably, but the journey felt like a long one and oddly I wasn't really scared at all. I wasn't sure if this was 'it', or what was going to happen to me. I felt numb, it was all totally surreal. Just staring at the ceiling and listening to the monitor beeping away, doing its job.

When we reached the hospital, the scene suddenly switched into total organised mayhem. I felt like an extra from ER as the trolley was whisked out of the ambulance and rushed through the swing doors. Doctors, nurses and medics crowded round me, things were being attached as clothes were being stripped. One with a clipboard started asking questions and filling out the paperwork; name? age? phone number? etc When it got to the 'next of kin?' question, he asked me if I wanted them to be contacted.

"Not unless it gets critical" I replied. After all, there was no point creating unnecessary worry. I could tell them afterwards what had happened I figured.

"Religion?" he asked.

"Why? What does that matter?"

"In case you need a priest."

"Oh hell!"

The morphine was now being administered intravenously, a huge drip on a stand next to my trolley.

"They only use that when it's the end"

I was pushed through to theatre, with other nurses carrying the drip and the oxygen tank, and another pushing the trolley withe monitor on it. I could feel injections happening at the top of my right leg, but there had been more morphine injections down there so it was a very numb sensation. Apparently the doctor was doing an angiogram; a catheter exploration of the cardiac arteries. The Doctor then said he would have to put me forward to have an angioplasty. He explained this would involve injecting two platinum stents into the blocked arteries via a catheter, expanding them and then withdrawing the catheter to leave the stents in place, supporting my heart. I was drifting now, but could just feel more prodding going on around the same area at the top of my leg. He was plugging up the hole where the angiogram catheter had entered.

"That's it!" he said, "You're all done!"

"When I will have the angioplasty?"

"No that was it. We're all done!"

I looked up at the clock, it was a quarter past two; just 2 hours and fifteen minutes after phoning for the ambulance.

I was moved to a ward where I slept, I have no idea how long for. I was still wearing the oxygen mask when I woke up and the morphine drip was still in my arm. My body had around 16 electrodes attached with wires going to two monitors. Everything around me seemed to be beeping away quite happily. I was still here then!

I tried to raise my head to have a look around my room, but a voice bellowed out of the nurses office to lie flat. A large West Indian lady came over to my bed.

"You're a bit young to be in here aren't you?"

"I was just thinking the eaxct same thing."

"You have to lie flat for 24 hours, don't be sitting yourself up young man!"

That night was one of the worst I've ever had. I woke up in the middle of the night, hazy from the drugs but feeling almost paralysed where they had plugged the catheter hole in my groin. Blood had seeped and got trapped between the dermal layers and swollen to the size of a rugby ball, a haematoma I think it's called. I couldn't move and it was throbbing like hell! I pressed the button for a nurse. One came over, saw what was happening to my leg and disappeared. A few moments later, he was back with another nurse and a contraption that was strapped round my groin, then inflated. As he switched it on, it started whiring and applying pressure to the mound of blood. I didn't get back to sleep too well after that, despite the drugs.

The next morning, they removed the contraption to reveal a deep purple bruise that stretched from my inner thigh right round to my arse cheek, and about a foot high.

It was two days later that I asked for the phone, I figured I was through the worst enough now to fill the family in about what had happened. You can only begin to imagine the reaction! Two hours later they were all next to my bed, with much tears and hugging going on. My Mum & my Sis were shaking with nerves. I felt so guilty putting them through this. Six days later I was allowed home. My flatmates had moved my bed down to the lounge so I wouldn't have the stairs to deal with, and I spent Christmas in bed there, like the Nan in The Royle Family!

Two years later, and yesterday I had lunch with Sis & Dad as an early Christmas get-together, and Dad hadn't seen my Sis yet for her 40th. They hadn't noticed the relevance of the date, but that day is one of those that will stay with me forever.

So Much Happening Lately.... UPDATED WITH PERSONAL PICTURES

2006-12-09T12:41:00.000Z

The last two weeks really has seen a lot going on and I've not been posting as much as I used to, well I can't now I'm now back in the restaurants!

My lodger/flatmate seems to be settling in very well. I keep waiting for obvious signs of homesickness (he's moved down from Birmingham), but so far there haven't been any. We went off to see 'Casino Royale' last Wednesday, which was EXCELLENT!! Easily my favourite Bond movie to date! Daniel Craig plays Bond how I think he should be; steely, determined, tough and with a raw sexuality that the recent Bonds have missed.

The whole 007 franchise had started to turn into a pastiche of itself I think. It was all about cheesy gags, flashy gadgets and gorgeous girls. It needed refreshing, and the Blond Bond delivers! Fantastic! And as for all the usual hype about the theme tune? I can't even remember the tune of this one, and it doesn't matter; this film actually speaks for itself! Oh, and Daniel Craig is gorgeous!!

Then on Wednesday of this week it was my Sisters 40th birthday. I have been excited about this day for a while but couldn't share my plans with you as she reads here occasionally!

Months ago she had declared that she would like 'Tea at The Ritz' as her treat. I duly noted it mentally and set that as the foundation of The Day. Then I had to think what to do for the evening. Well, after seeing 'Wicked!' in September there was no competition really, so the day after seeing the show with G&V, I was straight back on line booking 4 tickets for that.

The Day started badly; I got the bus 25 minutes up to the correct underground station that I needed to get to The Ritz, and then realised I had forgotten the theatre tickets! Aaargh! I then waited, seemingly for ever, for a bus back home. I got on the mobile and booked a taxi to be waiting at my flat to take me straight to Piccadilly; I wouldn't have time now to get a tube. Traffic was terrible all the way, and I ended up hopping out of the taxi en route and finishing off the journey by tube anyway! Buses and taxi's and tubes. Oh my!!

So despite leaving on time, I was an hour late! Sadly, I had missed the part where Mum had walked, arm in arm with Sis, straight past The Ritz. "He said to meet us at the restaurant," she'd said. "It's down here apparently." They stopped to look up at the gorgeous Christmas trees flanking the doors of the legendary hotel, with 'flunkys' in top hats waiting to park guests' cars. Lisa then went to walk on, but Mum pulled her back and straight up the steps to one of the most famous hotels in the world. Tears welled up in my Sisters eyes, she looked at Mum in disbelief and just said "Really?". Mum nodded.

The tea rooms there are absolutely beautiful, as you would imagine. Cream walls with gold and cream embroidered chairs, and gilted fretwork picking out alcoves and architraves. The food came on a silver 3-tier tray; a selection of sandwiches on various breads, crusts cut off (how camp!), scones and fruitcake, and on the top tier a selection of fruit tarts. (Wouldn't that be a great description for a group of Drag Queens? A selection of fruity Tarts?) The drinks were served in individual silver pots, so we could each pick our own from the wide range of teas.

We then had some time to kill, so took a long walk through Mayfair, dreaming at the thought of owning some of the uber-expensive treats in the shop windows; a Bentley for £399,750 or a pair of Manolo Blahniks for £695 for you Miss? It's a different world eh? Then we wandered onto Regents Street to see the Christmas lights, and for a wander round Hamleys which I always feel is a 'must-do' at this time of year.

Sis still didn't know what was coming next, so walking all the way through to Oxford Street was really a ploy to throw her off the scent, then we hopped onto a 38 bus and headed towards Victoria. The bus was crowded so she couldn't really tell where we were heading. Nephew & I did a Sudoku together, and the women nattered. She didn't really click until we rounded into the station and she could see the front of the Victoria Apollo. Her and my nephew were absolutely thrilled! They had listened to the CD when they'd stayed at my place after the Scissor Sisters, and had said then that they'd love to see it; it was so hard not letting on sooner!

The show was fabulous, again! Idina Menzel absolutely knocks the socks off the audience. Of course, no-one in my family had heard of her, so when she walked on stage and got a huge cheer from the audience my Mum whispered to me "But she hasn't done anything yet!".

However, by the time she was halfway through her first number, "The Wizard & I", Mum whispered again what amazing vocal control Menzel has; "She hasn't had a chance to breath yet in this song!". I knew the best was yet to come.

And it did; "Defying Gravity" had my Sister in floods of tears, which were repeated again throughout most of the 2nd Act! In fact, by the time we reached the standing ovation, her top was actually wet through!

Afterwards, we went for something to eat and then I saw them on their way to Victoria station to get home. The Day had gone near-as-dammit perfectly, and I know she'll always remember her 40th, and thats exactly how it should be I figure!

And now, as promised, my own photo's of the day. So, as Joe.My.God would say;EMBIGGEN, MAKE PRETTY!

The Sis

The Tea Rooms

The Lobby

The Family

The Sister & I

First Day at New Restaurant

2006-12-04T22:34:00.000Z

Fired one, hired one! How productive is that? ;o)

I also have three interviews lined up for tomorrow. I have no intention of hiring any of them, but the team there are very slack at the moment with attendance & timekeeping, so I just want to get them back on their toes, and it'll do them good to see me looking for new recruits.

Staff who think they're doing me a favour by turning up, even when they're 30 minutes late, need reminding they're not indespensible methinks.

Feeling Festive!

2006-12-04T22:29:00.000Z

Loving the Christmas lights outside the Town hall here in Hackney Central! Well, I call them 'Christmas lights' but the blue ones have actually been up all year; I think they just couldn't be arsed to take them down last January, but thats cool because they're pretty!

Sorry the pic of the green ones is a bit fuzzy... I was on my way home from a night out and was obviously not as steady as I thought I was!

Scissor Sisters at Wembley

2006-12-01T12:26:00.000Z

Saturday just gone, Sis and Nephew & I were all heading off to catch the London leg of the Scissors tour. They arrived at mine traditionally late ('I've been drving round for 30 minutes trying to park! Honest!'), so we set off a little later than we were hoping.

The journey is the same route as I've been travelling to Uxbridge for the last four months. I'd forgotten I would be doing it again the day after I thought I was never going to do it again, but with the company it was much more fun!

As we were walking along to the arena, I realised that this was a special ocassion as it was Nephew's first pop concert!

"He's been to a concert before!" Sis argued "He came to David Essex with me!"

"That doesn't count, I meant a POP concert!" I love ribbing her about David Essex; she's adored him since 1974!

The support act was Lily Allen; local Islington girl and this years 'hip young thing'. I'm not a great fan of hers but she was actually a lot better than I was expecting; confidently bouncing through a great set and helpfully reminding us that "you've got the Scissor Sisters coming on later!" Really?!? Ooh, thats nice then!

What she failed to mention though was how much later. We had an hour and a quarter between the two acts. It was 9:15 when they eventually came on and the excited moods were starting to wane.

Jake Shears soon sorted that out though once they arrived! Straight away, almost the whole audience were on their feet, and he had something to say to the ones that weren't! There was no hiding here! His energy always amazes me, but to keep it going for nearly two hours was awesome!

Ana Matronic was alot more static, but as verbal as ever! Now, I'm not sure if it was a bad choice of dress or not but I had the thought that she looked pregnant! I mentioned it to Sis, who said she was thinking the same. Wait and see... if she is, you saw it here first! If she isn't, of course, then I'm really sorry Ana. Maybe a different outfit would be better?

I enjoyed the show alot; there were no flash gimmicks in the form of graphics or sets or dancers, which gave it more of a rock concert feel than pop. One of the highlights for me came when Jake gave mention to Mike Jones; the rentboy who recently outed an anti-gay Pastor, Ted Haggart, head of the evangelical movement.

He then dedicated "Everybody Wants The Same Thing" to the preacher;

"Just remember life's in love with you but let's suppose
That God ain't gonna drop you no hundred dollar bill
You've got to question your intentions
'Cause the bad ones kill"

Genius!

Checkout some great photos here by Kevin Tachman

My Last Day pt 2

2006-11-29T11:51:00.000Z

As you know, Friday was my last day at Head Office. I wasn't expecting gifts or the like as I haven't been there that long. I wasn't really even expecting a "Sorry You're Leaving" card, as I doubt they are! I must admit though, I was kind of thinking I may get a "Good Luck In Your New Job" card.

I was all prepared with the response; "Ah! That's really sweet of you. If it's a "Good Luck" card, which I suspect it is, then I'm going to save it for my first day at the restaurant I think! Thanks alot!"

But all day there was no sign of a card, until nearly the half past five when I came back from the bathroom to find a wrapped present and a card on my desk! The present was quite large, rectangular and about the thickness of an old LP (showing my years now!)

"It's just a little something to 'say thanks for your hard work', and good luck for Hampstead" my Team Leader said, in an attack of 'niceness'.

I picked it up and perused the package. It wasn't really little, so she must mean cheap I figured.

"It's a Kylie calendar isn't it?" I guessed

"You spoilsport!! Haha!! How did you know?"

'Because it's a cliched gift for a gay man from straight people with no imagination' I thought, but refrained from verbalising.

"Because you must know I like her!" was the actual response.

And I was right about the card too; it was a 'Good Luck', not a 'Sorry You're Leaving', but very nice of them nonetheless! I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe I'd been underestimating them?

As I left the office, I passed a guy who I chat to every day round in the smoking area outside.

"Bye Tim!" I said

"Cheers John, have a good weekend!" he replied, unaware of my name and possibly even the fact that I was leaving.

So, it would seem, I'd been right.

Last Day At Head Office

2006-11-24T10:47:00.000Z

God, how I'll miss getting up at 6:15am, squashing myself onto the 'Ghetto Express', followed by the arduous lumpy-bumpy ride all the way out to the farthest reaches of the Metropolitan line , squashed in by lumpy-bumpy people (who can't do Sudoku's!)

How I'll miss being communicated with purely by phone or e-mail, and the condescending manner of my Team Leader, and the non-existence of my Department Manager, or the imaginary job description that I'm still waiting for!

And all so that I can get my own little restaurant in leafy Hampstead... what am I thinking?!?

Lady Mucca Speaks Out!

2006-11-22T16:06:00.000Z

Try as she might, the Bouncer at ChinaWhites wasn't going to let her in

I only saw a few brief clips of the 'Lady' Heather interview this morning before I left for work so I can't really comment on it too much, (though you know I love to have a good moan about her) but a couple of things have struck me about this straight away;

1) If you're trying to prove you're not a publicity-seeking self-promoter then surely a TV interview isn't the best way to do it? Maybe retreating to Outer Mongolia would do it?

2) If you're trying to claim the intrusion into your life has been unbearable, ditto!

3) So much for trying to keep this as quick and painless as possible for the sake of Beatrice eh?

4) If you think you're going to get the same sort of sympathy Princess Di did by hiring the same lawyer and doing a similiar kind of 'heart on sleeve' appearance, then you're even more self deluded than I originally thought!

5) When you say "I'm never going to marry again", is that because you're rich enough now to not need to anymore?

And Another Thing...

2006-11-22T15:48:00.000Z

...that happened this weekend, was that I hit my 100th post!

Seeing as I've been blogging for 10 months, that doesn't seem too great does it, but seeing as to start with I was only posting once a fortnight I've obviously picked up some momentum!

I also noticed (with my new NeoCounter!), that I had my 200th hit from my 20th country in just 20 days! Again, that must seem paltry to many of you who have been blogging longer than I have, and built up your reader base, but I'm pretty darned chuffed!

Gosh, and it only seems like last week I hit my 1000th visitor! Oh hang on, it was!

(",)

Over The Weekend

2006-11-21T13:29:00.000Z

Despite the situation with J, left as it was at the end of last week, the weekend was surprisingly good. Luckily I had a couple of distractions.

Friday evening, after work, there was a leaving 'do' for one of the girls here at The PizzaBase. I had planned on going for a 'couple' to see her off but not stay too long because of my mammoth commute.

However, by 8pm I was having such a good time, getting to know people who I never really talk to, that I decided to stay another hour. You knew this was coming right? Anyway, by 9pm I realised I was too tipsy to make it back to East London, so in the light of that (and Monday's events) I booked into a hotel and got on with enjoying myself.

Saturday morning, bright and amazingly chirpy, I made by way back on almost-empty trains, to Hackney. I was on Support Call this weekend, so I had the wireless laptop and the Blackberry phone with me too (this was another reason I didn't want to risk the journey 'three sheets to the wind!').

I don't mind doing support call weekends, especially now we've gone wireless as you can sit in bed on a sunday morning, watching the abundance of cookery programmes that seem to be on these days, and just deal with peoples issues as they call you. This weekend it would help to keep me busy too and my mind occupied.

The first time I took the IT Support equipment home, it reminded me of being in Infants School, oddly enough. I don't know about you but we had a class pet, and each weekend it was someones turn to take the pet home. Our class had a gerbil. I forget it's name. I was about the age that I am in this picture.

The whole school year passed by, and no matter how hard I stretched my hand, and pleaded "Pleeease Miss!" at the end of class every Friday, I was never picked to looked after the Gerbil.

Until the last Friday before the last half-term holiday week of the year.

Unbelievable! I had been picked to look after the lovely, fluffy, long tailed little pet ALL WEEK!!

Never so proud, I skipped off home, cage in hand. I can't exactly remember the reaction I got from my parents, but I doubt it was a good one, probably along the lines of; "Well, it's OK so long as you clean it out yourself!" (Mum), and "Bloody rat!" (Dad; never fond of any animals).

Everything went well all week with my little friend, until the Sunday; I had decided I should clean his cage out one last time before returning him to school the next morning. The Gerbil was running around my bedroom floor as I gave the cage an extra-thorough cleaning; after all, I couldn't have anyone thinking I hadn't looked after the little thing properly!

'All done!' I thought, dusting off the sawdust from my hands, ' Now I just need to get him back in the cage! No! Keep still! Come here!'

He scampered away and under the bed, I grabbed out blindly with my face squashed against the side of a suitcase. I was so worried I may lose him under there forever!

That's when *it* happened! I had definitely grabbed hold of something, but I couldn't feel the weight of the animal. I withdrew my hand to find...

A tail. A boney semi-rigid gerbil's tail. No gerbil attached. I knelt and stared in disbelief. What have I done to him?!

Panicking, I hunted the rest of him out and, seeing no blood or obvious distress, plopped him back in his cage. The following morning, I took him into school, and told the Teacher everything had been fine. My heart was pounding!

It wasn't until lunchtime that she came to me and questioned me over his amazing shrinking rear appendage. (OK, she didn't use these exact words, just work with me here!).

"He had an accident!" I blurted out, "He trapped it in the door of his cage trying to get out!"

I doubt she believed me, but no major harm was done so the case against me was dropped.

Luckily, the laptop and the BlackBerry have gone back after all of my support call weekends fully intact. With no leads missing.

FYI; incase you were worried about the Gerbil, I found this at 'The Gerbil Society' website;

Loss of Tail
As you probably know, a gerbil's tail is quite fragile and rough handling can cause the tuft to come away. Very often the bone will be left behind. Whilst it does not look very pleasant, the bone will dry out and then auto amputate after a few days and the end will heal over naturally. I have come across cases where an entire tail has been pulled off. In these cases it is better to get the gerbil examined by a Vet to check that no other damage has been caused. The gerbil will learn to adapt to the loss and will hardly notice its injury.

Where Are You?

2006-11-21T10:02:00.000Z

Are you sitting, like me,
just watching tv;
another crass dose of 'reality'?

Are you sitting alone,
just watching your phone,
with only a beer can for company?

Are you out with some friends,
making amends
for not being around too much lately?

Or are you on your settee,
with his head on your knee,
simply banishing every thought of me?

Quote of the Day

2006-11-19T12:24:00.000Z

I just found this on Postcards From Hells Kitchen's blog;

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"... Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

- Charles M. Schulz

I know the feeling Chuck!

Saturday Silliness

2006-11-18T13:16:00.000Z

No more boring talk of J, instead a bit of fun for the weekend.

Name in Russian:>>

This is pretty cool... click the link below to try it out.
Ignore all theRussian on the site, just type your name in the text box and click to see what your name looks like in Russian...very impressive! Use the name you go by day to day,

http://www.callme.nm.ru/

And if that didn't make you smile here's a joke you can tell in the pub this evening...

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office so I will swing by the house to pick my things up"

"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit peculiar but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.The following weekend he came home, a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."

what else could I say?

2006-11-17T17:05:00.000Z

Hi J,

Just thought I’d drop a quick note to see how you’re doing. I was wondering if we were going to be speaking at all soon.

We’ve not been doing very well really have we? It’s such a shame as I really do think a lot of you, and had hoped this was going to be long term. Please get in touch as I am a little worried that you didn’t reply to my text yesterday and you're ok.

xx

Paul

Hey,

After our conversation on Wednesday I think it is better for all concerned that we don't see each other.

You are right, we are both looking for differing things at the moment. That is a shame.

I don't think it is great doing this in an e-mail, but I don't want to speak to you at the moment.

Take care of yourself.

J

I’m so sorry you don’t want to speak to me, I know it’s hard for you but it is for me too to feel this unloved and confused.

I’m convinced you are seeing someone else, otherwise why would you only want to see me once a week, when you say you want to make it work? It's all a little too much like it was at the start when you were darting back and forth between me & M. I really wanted it to work too; I just needed more contact, and a little reassurance, as I explained at dinner last Friday.

I’m really upset it’s ended like this.

Paul

Link To A Great Cause!

2006-11-17T12:48:00.000Z

For those of you who haven't yet read Joe's article about Mike Jones, the 'rent boy' who told the gods-honest truth about Rev Ted Haggart (right) five days before the US Elections, this a post well worth looking at.

If you're unaware of this story (it was glossed over in a lot of the press here) Mike Jones is the guy who not only revealed the immense hypocrisy of a man who was rallying against gay equal partnership rights (at the same time as renting men for class-A fulled sex sessions), but also could be said to have a been a help in America's election outcome.

Joe writes;

"I've been in contact with Mike over the last week. He tells me that the major gay rights organizations have extended nothing but ten-foot poles. He is unemployed and I imagine that for at least the short future, he is unemployable. He is facing the potential of huge legal bills. He has received death threats from Haggard's followers and other peace-loving Christians."

There are details there about how to contribute to Mike's paypal account and help the guy out. Personally, I think he's worth it!

Wrapping It All Up

2006-11-16T18:18:00.000Z

I'm not talking about a Christmas present, far from it infact. Actually it's an anti-present. J had said he wanted to spend Christmas Day with me, but it's me that's cancelled it.

Further to our e-mail exchange on Monday, (and the ensuing dreadful, miserable, pitiful night out), I sent him a text to let him know what had happened. Now, my friends have sent me lots of very caring, sympathetic messages, and there have been some lovely comments posted on here, but the best J could manage was;

"Hope ur ok (n.b wouldn't 'Are you ok?' be a little more like he gave a shit?). Why did u have £250 on u?"

I replied with a brief explanation, also mentioning that I was now on the way to the dentists, and heard nothing back at all. No more texts, no phone call, nothing. Maybe it's because I was going to the dentists and my phone would be off. He'll call tonight, I figured.

I was wrong. I spent most of the evening checking my phone incase I hadn't heard it; nothing.
I was reminded of a rare bit of wisdom I once gave a friend, "Being on your own isn't half as lonely as waiting for a call from someone you *hope* cares".

On Wednesday lunchtime I sent him another text; "Whats happening J?"

No reply. By about 5pm I could think of nothing else, consumed wih trying to work out what was going on. It was driving me insane. This guy hasn't spoken to me since Saturday morning when he said goodbye, in spite of everything he'd said Friday night about wanting to make it work, and that he'd make more of an effort. Then through something great and something awful he hasn't wanted to speak to me at all.

I set my mobile to withold the number and called him. He answered straight away. Funny that, I thought. I asked why he hadn't responded to my texts, he said he'd been busy. I asked why he hadn't called to see if I was OK, and he admitted that he resented the implication from my text that it was because he didn't come out on Monday that I had such a bad night.

"It was your choice to go out and get drunk Paul. It was nothing to do with me."

"You're absolutely right J, I'm totally responsible for my own actions and I was bloody stupid, but do you really think I was going to go home and sit in feeling depressed and lonely?"

"You were going out with friends in Soho! How did you end up in Camden?"

"No. I invited you to meet me in Soho. I wanted to celebrate with you! If you'd called and said 'well done, I'm really sorry I can't meet you' you would have known that. I ended up in Camden because I didn't want to sit in my flat alone feeling down because of you, so I got off the train there. It wasn't how I wanted my day to end!"

Anyway, there was absolutley no point in getting into an argument, it was already blatantly clear to me that we're incompatible, that I need someone who can be a little more caring and considerate. "You deserve it too", he said quietly, and then "I don't know what to say."

He could've tried apologising, he could've tried persuading me that we could work, but again nothing. I don't know why I could have thought I'd get anything else.

"Just have a think about it and let me know." I hung up.

24hrs later; nothing.

A Mention

2006-11-16T17:32:00.000Z

Yesterday, my blog had a mention on Gay In London's blog. It's interesting to read how other people percieve you sometimes so it was good to read.

He's a relatively new blogger, but is obviously very adept at writing and I've found myself identifying with his life quite easily, so it's an enjoyable read.

Anyway, there's the link if you're interested. ;o)

How Common!

2006-11-16T17:14:00.000Z

I just found this on Rodgers site;

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
342
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

I must admit, I'm intrigued to find out some information about these guys across the pond who share my name. I did 'googlewhack' once before and found someone of the same name with a particularly odd connection; at the time I was living in Nottingham and my best friend was also called Paul, and his boyfriend was another Paul which led to me becoming known as P3. Well this chap I came across on Google was actually the lead singer of a band called P3. Spooky eh?

If I get time I'd quite like to find out some things about the other 341. Who knows what I may find eh?

Pride All Week.... Now's the Fall

2006-11-14T11:42:00.000Z

Well, I've been bragging my little ass off for the last week about getting this and winning that and it peaked yesterday with the news of my promotion and my first restaurant, so I guess the balance had to be reset sooner or later.

After leaving work last night soon after 6, I decided a solo celebration in Soho was too sad and it would probably end up in tears. So I did the sensible thing and headed home.

At Finchley Road, I changed lines to the Ghetto Express and, as I had a twenty minute wait, went into a bar for a quick half. Back on the platform, in the cold rain, with my coat wrapped round me and no-one waiting at home to warm me up, the tears came anyway. Who needed Soho, eh?

Pulling myself together, I boarded the train and just kept reminding myself of all the great stuff, of the family that love me, the friends I value so much, the flat and the new job. As we pulled into Camden Road station, I decided I would go and have a few drinks at the Black Cap. I just didn't want to go home and sit alone all evening I guess.

Anyway, one turned to three, then to five etc etc. I was getting hassled by some German guy who was very sweet to begin with, telling me what gorgeous soft skin I had. Then he began bragging to me that he has been here just three years but, because he used to be a herione addict, he's managed to get a council flat and full benefits, and he's now working two other jobs on the side.

This really pissed me off; I fucking hate freeloaders, especially ones who are so proud of it. When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, I could've got the lot, by pleading that my family had disowned me or that I was suffering depression or whatever, but I didn't; I buckled down and accepted nothing. The flat that I now own and the job that I've earnt are mine through hard work, however he just didn't understand my point of view.

"What's the point in earning money," he asked "if I can't use it for fun?"

"Just piss off!" was all I could muster.

Anyway, enough of this rambling; I think the scene is now set to get to the point of this post which, in short, was that I was mugged when I left the bar, just after 2am. I had £250 on me which I had drawn out of one account yesterday to pay into another but then decided I would pay it over the counter today instead of into a machine. It's so unusual I should carry this much cash, I hardly ever do, so it's almost inevitable that my good luck should run out at this point.

I was approached in the street as I was waiting for a night bus home. A young guy asked me for some money, he said he wanted some 'smoke', I said no, but he kept on. then he said he'd give me a blow job if I gave him the money . Please don't ask me why, but drunk, stupid, alone, whatever, I eventually said yes!

We walked away from the bus stop and there was another guy following us. He said we needed to go round the corner to get away from the other guy. I realise now they were probably accomplices. I started getting suspicious so I said I didn't want to go any further. He then started asking me for more money, saying that if I gave him another £20 he could get some coke.

I refused to start with, but he kept insisting and I began to get scared of what would happen if I didn't give it to him. I went to my bag and tried to carefully sneak £20 out of the envelope that had the £250 in it without him seeing it all; I just wanted to get rid of him now. He caught what I was doing though and snatched the envelope out of my hand, pushing my shoulder back against the wall. Running away from me he took the cash out of the envelope, crumpled it up and threw it back at me as he disappeared around the corner.

Straight away I got on the phone to 999 and followed round the corner to see him, with about 6 other guys, all laughing and play fighting over the cash. He ran away from them, protecting his treasure, and back past me shouting "I hope you're not phoning the police!"

I hung up and buried the phone in my pocket.

He shouted back at his mates, "He wanted me to suck his cock, the pervert!"

I didn't know if they would all start on me now, but I stood my ground and waited for the police to find me. I got a call straight back, "It's ok, we can see you. A car is on its way. Stay right there, the place is riddled with CCTV's"

It didn't take long for the police to arrive and I got into a car with two of them, while another two went off on foot to look round the area. We drove around for a while looking for him, but it was no good. It was obvious to the cops that I was drunk, and now I was scared I was going to get in trouble for trying to buy sex or something. They assured me I was the victim, not the perpetrator, so I started to calm down. Eventually, after giving statements, checking the details, giving full descriptions and signing all the documents, they dropped me at a cab shop to get home so they could carry on looking.

Now I'm hungover, ashamed, a little bruised and £250 lighter. And this afternoon I have a dentists appointment.

The ying and yang is suitably redressed, methinks.

Another ending....?

2006-11-13T17:33:00.000Z

PLEASE READ THE UPDATE TO THIS POST IN THE MESSAGES

I haven't heard from Jay since he left my place on Saturday morning, apart from a reply to a text I sent him on Saturday night. I also haven't had an e-mail or a text today to find out if I'd heard about the job. Succesfully I managed to hold my natural urge to be angry about that; after all, maybe it's good that he wants to take things slowly, and I know he's been busy at work.

Well, since I heard about the job at lunchtime, I've been bursting with excitement but still I resisted calling him. I thought I'd give him a chance to *miss me* rather than me be 'in his face' too much.

But I couldn't hold on any longer so I just sent him a mail asking if he fancied joing me for a celebratory drink this evening in Soho, and swiftly got the reply

"CONGRATULATIONS! Can't tonight I have a meeting at 8am x"

When I replied saying that it won't be a late one as I have to be up tomorrow too, I got this;

"Don't drink too much. Have a good time."

Does he actually give a flying fuck? Does he get excited about seeing me at all or just when it fits his diary... in other words, once a week? I've never put up with a second-rate relationship purely for the sake of not being on my own, and I'm always amazed by people who do, but now I think I'm settling for something that's not actually working for me.So I've typed this reply, but for the time being I've saved it in 'drafts':

"You know, I was determined not to get in touch with you first, to allow you to take things at the speed you wanted and be the one who contacted me, but I was so excited about this news that I've really wanted to share it with you all day. I was also determined not to mind that you hadn’t got in touch today to see if I’d heard anything, but eventually I couldn’t wait any longer.

I’m sorry if I put too much pressure on you. I seem to be too demanding for you. I’ve tried to take things easy for your sake, really I have, but what’s the point of doing great things if you have no-one to share it with?

I’m not sure we’re at all suited Jay, because although I love you dearly you still manage to make me feel empty."

I'll decide whether or not to send it tomorrow when I've calmed down.

I GOT IT!

2006-11-13T14:05:00.000Z

The phonecall came about an hour ago,

"It's decision time," he said "and I'd really like to offer you the Hampstead restaurant. I think your training skills and your flair would be a real asset there, well to the whole area actually. I got a really good feeling about you. You're honest, not a bullshitter and I like that alot."

"Brilliant!" I was trying not to shout it as I was in the office and didn't want everyone knowing until it came out officially. I also didn't want them all to know how bloody glad I am to get out of here!

You don't know how thrilled I am! For nearly 10 years now I've been deputising and assisting various other managers, often saving their arses and making them big bonuses. More often thinking "If this was my restaurant, I could make so many changes!" So now's my chance to prove to everyone, including myself, whether or not I can actually do it.

All that remains is for my new Ops Manager to have a chat with the Head of IT and arrange a transfer date. I know my new boss wants it to happen ASAFP, and so do I. As I can't see anyone here holding me back, (I'm hardly indespensible,) I could start as soon as Monday in my own little restaurant.

The Winning Streak Continues....

2006-11-10T15:18:00.000Z

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I'd enjoyed a run of good luck over the weekend but yesterday morning I was going to post that it had come to an end by getting no numbers at all in Wednesday evenings lottery. Not a digit.

However, I didn't get time to post that, and it wasn't that interesting anyway. It actually turns out though that it would have been a touch premature. You see, yesterday we had our monthly team briefing; a big affair with everyone from Head Office attending. It's a bit of a waste of time normally. But yesterday I was awarded the "Restaurant Support Hero of the Month" award, comprising a certificate (coo!) and another £50 vouchers to add to the £100 I got on Monday. Hurrah!

What I was most pleased about with this was, that I was having my interview later in the afternoon for the Hampstead restaurant vacancy so this was great 'self-marketing' fodder to take along!

The meeting went well, and to be honest I surprised myself with some pretty good answers. Although there was one that I knew was crap. It was one of those dodgy questions that I umm'd and aah'd about and eventually said something that I knew sounded substandard. However we talked for about an hour and a half in total which I think was a good sign. I felt we got on well, we even laughed a few times. Genuinely I mean.

The Ops Manager interviewing me said he would be able to let me know today as he had just one more person to interview this morning. This is great as I hate waiting for news on stuff like this, as some of you may recall from the last time.

About two minutes after I left, as always happens, the perfect answer to the dodgy question came into my head! When this has happened before, I've just kicked myself about it but this time I took action and called his mobile. Carpe diem!

"I know this is a little unconventional," I said "but I've just been thinking about something we discussed and wondered if I could add another bit to my answer?" Luckily, he laughed and said of course I could, so I think I actually scored extra points there. Well, it shows I give things careful consideration until I'm really happy I figure.

From there, I headed into the West End for our "IT & Finance Year-End Bash". At my suggestion, we had opted for a visit to Bar Salsa and a lady from Finance and myself have been organising it for the last 6 weeks or so.

The evening was a great success luckily. The food was nothing special, standard tex-mex stuff, but it was ok. Then we all joined in a beginners Salsa class followed by freestyle Salsa to DJ's and, later on, some live music. I have to admit that I loved it! I hadn't told anyone of my secret past as a professional dancer and an amateur Latin American ballroom champion, so I pulled out a few of the old moves that I could remember. Which in truth wasn't many.. well it was 20 years ago nearly! I'm glad I kept it a secret actually.

So then this morning, adding to my lucky streak, I was handed a bottle of very fine looking Merlot as a thanks for helping to organise the night.

It'll soon seem odd to come to work and not get a gift at this rate (",)

The London Eye

2006-11-09T14:16:00.000Z

British Airways London Eye

At 135 metres above London, the London Eye is the world's tallest observation wheel, with 40km panoramic views on a clear day. The gradual 30 minute flight offers stunning views of London and its famous landmarks in a fully air conditioned capsule with bench seating.

And we have a private 'Champagne Capsule' booked for next Tuesday evening for the IT Team! YAY!!

If I'm not too tipsy, I'll get some pics to post!

Meanwhile, Across the Big Pond....

2006-11-09T10:01:00.000Z

Congratulations go to our American Cousins who have scored a great success with their midterm election results! Hopefully this will just serve as a lesson to Blair here. How they both got through the last elections beggars belief really.

And as for Donald Rumsfelds 'resignation', well it seems a bit odd to me. Forgive me if this sounds thick, but surely any actions he decided upon had to be cleared by the man in charge didn't they?

Granted, Rumsfeld was the architect of almost everything that has crashed in American Iraq policy. But did he fall or was he pushed? I think it's fairly obvious that he was a sacrificial lamb.

This party fought a campaign of no great distinction or identity, without any proposals for dealing with it, and they have brought down a man who Bush said would remain for the next two years only five days ago.

This has been a single issue campaign - the war on Iraq. And now an extraordinary message has been sent to the President by the US people. Once you have stripped out all the business of Republican and Democrat, you reach the inescapable conclusion that voters believed the President had to be told to change course on Iraq. Well done to you all!

Commuter Dilemma

2006-11-08T12:50:00.000Z

OK, so you know I like my Sudokus right?

And you know that I'm pretty damn good (though I say so myself), right?

So, if I'm sat next to a novice on the train, and they've managed to enter barely a few numbers, AND they've been sat for a good twenty minutes, scanning along the rows and columns with their pencil, with a pained expression on their face, and entering no new numbers...

Is it ok for me to suggest the next few numbers?

Of course, the answer is "NO!" It would be rude beyond compare. However, I had done the next 8 or 9 moves in my head and was starting to lose my place in the puzzle because I couldn't keep in my head the picture of it as I was completing it, so I got stuck.

Which irritated me beyond belief. Whaddya reckon?

On A Winning Streak!

2006-11-07T16:47:00.000Z

First I win £21.80 on the Eurolottery on Friday night, then on Saturday night I win another £10 on the normal Lotto, and then yesterday I got £100 vouchers from work for, believe it or not, coming up with a good idea!

And it wasn't even one of my better ones. Handiwipe sachets for kids. How no-ones said it before I'll never know.

I'll never get these people.

A Date with Jay

2006-11-07T10:14:00.000Z

A lot seems to have happened in a very short space of time and it feels like ages since I've jotted anything down. This may come out a bit haphazard so thank god for 'copy & paste'

Wednesday evening I had arranged to meet Jay for dinner. At his suggestion, we went to the PizzaPlace in Hampstead, which was very considerate of him, realising I may want to check the place out. You see, I have my interview for the Restaurant Managers position lined up for this Thursday. It's a very sweet little restaurant, in a listed building, a few yards away from the tube station. If anything it may be too small for me after being used to the hustle und busy-ness of Islington. It may bore me.

We had a nice meal, trying out one of the new Autumn pizzas, and drinks afterwards at the local gay pub. We discussed our lives, plans for jobs, plans for Christmas.

Whenever we get together now, there is so much feeling still there that it's hard to remember we're not boyfriends anymore. Just the way we chat, and look at each other. The way he smiles at me even when I'm ranting.

He's had such a hard time since I've known him and I forgive all his screwed up actions that have impacted me over the last six months. Whether or not I should is another matter; I often think I shouldn't but anger really isn't my 'thing' these days. I know what an upheaval he's been through; leaving his long-term boyfriend, crashing at various peoples houses while he sorts out his tenants, and then his +ve diagnosis.

Inevitably, we ended up kissing. Which we shouldn't have. I got tearful, saying that I just can't do this 'limbo' thing that he's gotten us into; we're not boyfriends but we're certainly not just friends, and if that's what he wants us to become then I'm going to need a break for a month or so until I'm over feeling the way I do about him.

He said he would drop me at the station on his way so I could get a train home. I refused, saying that the last thing I wanted after a lovely evening and a romantic kiss was to get dumped at Camden Road, cold and on a platform alone.

So he dropped me at The Black Cap, I could get a cab from there. I was crying as I left the car.

"I'll call you tomorrow!" he called after me.

"I may not answer" I replied as I walked away (never one to missed a dramatic exit).

An e-mail was waiting for me when I got to work the next morning,

"SHIT SHIT SHIT...I don't seem to be able to do anything right. It is so right when we are together and all I want to do is take it slowly, I don't want to lose you, although I fear I have. I don't want to push you away I want to keep you close and spend time with you. Ultimately I want to be with you.

I do not want to see you sad. If not seeing me makes you happier, then that is what I want too. I feel awful for causing you such upset."

He called at lunchtime, and of course I answered.

After the initial, awkward 'how are you?'s were all finished, he asked me "You know why I asked you about your plans for Christmas don't you?"

"Nope"

"Because I'd really like to spend the day with you"

So now I'm confused!

ARGEY'S BACK!!

2006-11-02T14:44:00.000Z

YAAAAY!!!

I received a call this morning from my little JP. He's back in the UK, alive and well so my visit to Nottingham is brilliantly timed as I'll be able to see him too :0)

I'm also REALLY looking forward to his blogs about what happened to him out there!

(no pressure love!)

Commuter Rant

2006-11-02T11:07:00.000Z

Two hours! Two bloody hours! Two sodding bloody hours of train hell to get to a job that bores me, working for a twat that annoys me! WHY?!?!?

And why do I ALWAYS get the FATTEST person on the train sitting next to me? Or better yet, like this morning, the TWO fattest people sitting either side of.

"I'll tell you what," I snapped, "I'll stand, you two take the three person seat. Help yourself!"

Hallowe'ens Done

2006-11-01T17:55:00.000Z

As much as I wasn't doing the party thing this year, I always really look forward to Halloween (as you may have noticed!). I like the history of the festival as well as the dressing up.

For instance, did you know that the lanterns we now carve from pumpkin were originally carved from marrows and laid out along the path from an Ancestors' grave back to the family's front door to help them find their way back home? Oh, and they weren't made from pumpkin until the festival became more American-ised.

Sadly, being on an 'estate with gates' I didn't even get any 'Trick orTreaters' this year, so the nearest I got to feeling festive was watching the Deal Or No Deal Halloween Special!

This weekend coming....

2006-11-01T16:34:00.000Z

I will be in Nottingham, so am looking forward to bumping into a few of you. I shall, no doubt, be in the usual haunts on Friday & Saturday evening!

New Flatmate!

2006-11-01T16:26:00.000Z

After much strenuous interviewing, (only 2 of them stayed the night Nomad!), I have made a decision and accepted a flatmate. He's 33 and just moving down from Birmingham for a job with a dance company.

I figure this means he will not know many people and will be busy settling into his new job, so he probably won't be too much of a party animal.

But we can soon change that eh? (",)

All change again!

2006-10-31T14:31:00.000Z

Last Friday, at 3pm, was my 3 month review at work. It was going to be held with my Team Leader, Kate, my Line Manager Anna, and the Head of IT, David. However, over the course of the last two weeks I've pretty much made up my mind about whether or not I'd made the right move from restuarants into The PizzaBase (Head Office!)

Pro's;

Mainly it's been to have weekends off, which this summer was an absolute Godsend!

There have been some great nights out (mainly starting in Comptons!), theatre trips to Blue Man Group and Wicked!. There've been Gay Days out and all the Prides (most notably Brighton!) I've enjoyed Sunday mornings at Columbia Road Flower Market, hustling through the crowds to find fabulous plants at wonderful prices! Sunday afternoons have been lunches at "The Pub On The Park" round at the back of my flat on London Fields or mad sunday afternoons at the Vauxhall Tavern. I've really had time to spend with my friends, in fact most of the above has involved G & V, and that's been really special. In fact it really has been a great summer overall.

I've also learned alot, and raised my profile within the company which are both good things. Also, I'd like to think that it show's I'm willing to try new things and develop myself.

Cons;

This boils down to two main issues; one being the twat that is my TeamLeader (see Mike's comments here as a brief example). I haven't bitched about her anywhere near as much as I could have done over the last few months, but I like to keep happy things in my head and regurgitating her demeaning attitude here would serve no purpose to you or I. So I have refrained. But, anyone who, at the age of 28, has just been sent on her first Leadership course and came back with wonderful news that she should ask more questions of her team (she had learnt the '5 Bums on a goalpost' thing), really shouldn't be in charge of someone thats been teaching that bloody course for the last 10 years.

The other issue is the commute. I really can't bear the thought of hour and three-quarter journeys, each way, now its colder and darker. I should be out in the restuarants more by now like they orignally promised, but there's no sign of me being put out in the field yet. I feel they mis-promised me here.

So I stopped the review by saying "Well, I don't want to waste everyones time when I know you're busy, so I may as well just tell you I want to go back to restuarants. Thanks for the opportunity, but I don't think it's really for me"

And by ten past 3 my CV had been e-mailed with an interest to the current vacancy at our Hampstead branch!

Two things worry me here now; that I may come across as 'flakey' ("Tried it, didn't like it. Can I change again please?"), and that I may not see so much of my mates again now. I really hope not.

Have you got your costume ready yet?

2006-10-30T15:58:00.000Z

If you've got a nephew and a dog handy, here's a suggestion for you...

If you have a dog but no nephew at your disposal...

If you haven't got either, but a butt to be proud of...

If you've got none of these, then feel free to mail me for suggestions!

But whatever you do.....

DON'T GO AS ELPHABA!!!

.... it's just too obvious!

Hallowe'ens coming Part 4

2006-10-29T10:44:00.000Z

This is one of my favourite hallowe'en virals ever!
Part 3
Part 2

We're going to a dance!

2006-10-27T14:10:00.000Z

I was blessed to have 4 fabulous grandparents. I was even more blessed that I still had them all when I reached my 30's, that's an unusual feat I'm sure.

I learnt many things from all of them which pop into my head every now and then when I least expect them.

Yesterday at work, something went wrong. It's not important what exactly but it was a basic communication problem.

It was what most people would call Chinese Whispers, and the task I carried out was nothing like the one my Supervisor had originally asked someone else to ask me to do. Naturally, I looked the fool, even though it was her lack of team management skills that caused it.

The phrase "Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance" popped into my head and I was reminded of one of my Grandads favourite stories. This is it, roughly...

During the height of trench warfare in the First Great War, the Major General received a message one night in HQ sent from the men at the frontline. It had come via couriers, spies, air and sea.

“Send 3 and 4 pence, we’re going to a dance” he was told

(“3 and 4 pence” being old English money – 3 shillings and 4 pence)

The Major general could not believe his own ears!

“Send 3 and 4 pence we’re going to a dance??!! What the bloody hell are they thinking?”

He sent the response;

"I don't know what the devil you're playing at, but there will be no dancing while there's a war on!"

Sadly the men were due to go 'over the top' the next day, and without the reinforcements they wanted, they perished in battle.

Hence the original message…

“SEND REINFORCEMENTS, WE’RE GOING TO ADVANCE”

2006-10-26T16:32:00.000Z

My pirate name is:

Mad Sam Bonney

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

2006-10-24T12:52:00.000Z

Before I started getting engrossed in the McCartney case, I was writing about stuff with Jay, and I mentioned in that post "The rent money he gave me came in handy too of course! Since I've moved here I've realised I've over-committed myself financially and things have been tight. I hate being short of cash, it means you can't do the things you're mates are doing, and I worry myself sick when the direct debits start to bounce."

So, this weekend gone I made a decision; I'm taking on a flatmate! So I took some pics of the flat and registered my place on the OUTLET site.

That was Sunday and I've had 6 applicants already so it looks like I'm gonna have a busy week interviewing! (",)

McCartney vs McCartney... another bit

2006-10-24T08:47:00.000Z

Further to yesterday's post, I found this site yesterday that gives a brilliantly funny account pretty much everything thats happened to date...

McCartney vs, McCartney

2006-10-23T14:06:00.000Z

It's all getting very underhanded here, with more mud thrown than we've seen anywhere since Dynasty!! The former 'model' has been throwing about a few sequins of her own!

We've had leaked court papers, that then turned out to have 5 pages missing (the five pages that could've made her look bad apparently!), then it turned out they were not the papers after all but only the first draft.... that only Heathers camp would have seen. But she tried to blame the leak on him anyway, saying he was doing it for sympathy.

Newsflash!!....

He doesn't need stunts to get sympathy Heather... we can see what you're like!!

Over the weekend we had allegations from her that he had hit Linda, his ex-wife, too. This was probably the nasiest piece of manipulation I've ever seen.

Linda McCartney was a strong minded, independant business woman who believed in human and animal rights. Could it honestly be imagined that she'd have stuck with Paul if he was a wife beater?

Besides that.... to drag a dead womans name into the ring and rubbish that marriage, not only to the world, but to Linda's own children is both diabolical and sickening!!

Then today it turns out she's been handed a tape of a private conversation between Sir Paul and his daughter Stella; (by a 3rd party obviously... bugging is illegal in this country!).

She has proved over and over again that she's a liar, from the denial of her porn work (pictured, but cropped for the sake of stopping mass nausea) to the fabrication that she used to live rough, it's all been crap. If what she's saying has any modicum of truth whatsoever then how can she expect to be believed? If she'd ever heard of 'The Boy That Cried Wolf' I'm sure she'd know better!

All Change At Hotel Hackney!

2006-10-21T11:28:00.000Z

After dinner at Claridges, things got back on an even keel with Jay. He even moved out of the place he was still sharing with his ex (why didn't I spot these alarm bells?!) He moved in and we had a few great weeks, I loved having him here.

The rent money he gave me came in handy too of course! Since I've moved here I've realised I've over-committed myself financially and things have been tight. I hate being short of cash, it means you can't do the things you're mates are doing, and I worry myself sick when the direct debits start to bounce.

Anyway, we decided things were happening too quickly, so he moved in with a girlfriend. Then I started seeing him less and less. We argued a few times on the phone. A couple of weeks ago he announced that he may be off to San Francisco for a couple of weeks. Apparently his ex had bought the tickets when they were stll together, but he probably wouldn't. After all, he said, it may be awkward.

Now, SF is my favourite city in the world (as you'd know if you've seen any of my comments on Joe.My.God), and I couldn't quite get over the feeling of jealousy that he would be there and I would be here, commuting to Uxbridge on the Ghetto Express daily. (thats the Silverlink North London Line if any of you know it!)

Well, the next day I called and got no reply,nor the day after. I realised he'd gone. There had been no 'Goodbye'.

I knew the tickets he had were due to get him back to the UK on the 10th. I left it until the 12th to call. Again no reply.

Monday 16th; I had an e-mail at work. Sorry he hadn't been in touch, his phone was broken and he's waiting for a replacement. He'd had an 'OK' time, but nothing special. He'd like to meet up sometime. I said I was free most evenings this week. He was busy though, lots to catch up on since he's had two weeks off!

To my mind, if you care about someone at all, and you're aware they may be hurt by your actions, YOU BLOODY MAKE TIME!!

So, if he doesn't give a fuck, then frankly my dear, neither do I!

So now it's back to stage one, and another guy to add to the Roll Of (dis)Honour!

Halloween's coming! pt 3

2006-10-20T16:53:00.000Z

Hows this one for a fancy dress outfit?

George.... again!

2006-10-20T10:22:00.000Z

I've written before about George Michael, I'm a big fan of his, so here goes another post about his latest behaviour....

He's hit the headlines again today by smoking pot on during a tv interview backstage at a concert in Madrid... where the drug is legal.

Inhaling deeply, he said: "This is the only drug I've ever thought worth taking but you have to wait. It never occurred to me to take even this until I was about 22 or 23.

"This stuff keeps me sane and happy. I could write without it...if I were sane and happy. I'd say it's a great drug - but obviously it's not very healthy. You can't afford to smoke it if you've got anything to do. Anything at all would be foolish." (like driving a car George?)

Denying he was out of control after twice being caught slumped at the wheel of his car, he told interviewer Melvyn Bragg: "I'm enjoying my life." Good on ya George, enjoy yourself!!

Lady Mucca Strikes Again!

2006-10-19T13:10:00.000Z

More alarming revelations from Heather McCartney Mills. Apparently, the ex-Beatle is a wife beating, alcoholic, drug addict who forced her to cook for him despite a broken pelvis, to crawl on the floor to the toilet, and denied her the right to breast feed her baby, declaring "Those are my breasts" (they'd look pretty funny on you Paul!)

Now, forgive me for being cynical but I can't quite believe these divorce files were "leaked" to the Daily Mail. Infact, by all accounts, they were faxed. So surely they must be pretty easy to trace?

I must admit I've never liked the woman. Accounts from her ex-husbands brand her as a compulsive liar, and a social, as well as financial, gold digger. She seems to be pretty good at staging things too; the headlines yesterday coincided with an appearance on BBC television where she disclosed that she had been counselling victims of the July 7 London bombings. What a lovely woman she must be! (groan)

"I always do it quietly,"she said, "because I want to keep them out of the press."

So why are you doing it on BBC1 then Heather? A big publicity stunt perhaps?

If it was, then it certainly wasn't staged by PR heavyweight Max Clifford who said, "I would not represent Heather Mills for all the tea in China, and that is the nicest way I can sum up my feelings for her."

The daft thing is that she may actually have shot herself in the foot here. Princess Diana, who was represented by the same divorce lawyer, was awarded £17m purely because she agreed to a confidentiality clause.

If Heather's going to push for the reported £200m she wants (does she really think she's worth 12 Diana's?!) then she has already lost the chance to get it on the grounds of agreeing to a simliar clause... what else is there for her to disclose? If this really is the truth that is.

Which I doubt. She seems, to me, to be a scheming, devious, money grabbing woman, who has a very high, false, sense of self importance!

Read the 'leaked' claims here

Halloween's coming! pt 2

2006-10-18T13:55:00.000Z

The first of a series of silly pics leading up to the night itself....

Halloween's coming!

2006-10-18T13:44:00.000Z

It's not unusual at this time of year to see greetings card shops and fancy dress shops getting their windows dressed with Halloween paraphernalia; hats, wigs, masks etc

However, on my lunch break today I walked past a local jewellers, quite a classy one at that, and they had a full on Halloween display; cut out pumpkins dangling from the top, plastic bats, crepe paper witches and all!

Now call me old fashioned, but when I think of October 31st the idea of buying a new gold necklace for my Mum, or purchasing a new Tag watch for me are probably the last things on my mind.

Misplaced marketing methinks.

Frankie Goes To Dynasty

2006-10-13T17:48:00.000Z

This is tv gold! Pure camp, mixing Alexis' and Krytsal's bitchfits to the tune of 'Two Tribes' by Frankie. I love it! The sequin throwing was comedy you just can't buy!

A Foggy Day in London Town

2006-10-13T12:27:00.000Z

I woke up this morning in a hotel just off Tottenham Court Road (don't ask... all you need to know is that it was fun!), and have only just got home. A couple of things have happened though on the way home that I just wanted to note;

I walked round from the hotel onto the main road to catch a bus back home and was struck (not literally) by how foggy it was this morning! I haven't seen London so foggy in years. As I turned the corner I saw this view of the Post Office Tower (right). I could only see the top, poking through the fog, almost like it wasn't attached to anything. The picture beneath is from their site, showing it in all its (unfogged) glory.

The Tower was built between 1961 and 1964, and at 580ft was for many years the tallest building in Britain. At the very top was a revolving restaurant. The 'Top of the Tower', as it was called, was leased to Butlins, could seat 120 diners on the 11 feet wide revolving section which formed part of the 34th floor. A complete revolution took 22 minutes. We went there once as a family in the 70's and I remember coming back from the bathroom and not being able to find my parents because the table had moved! Sadly, my sister lost her ring or bracelet or something in the bathroom. She cried for hours!

Apparently, the 'Top of the Tower' revolving restaurant was nicknamed the 'revolting restaurant' by staff who had to make do with their own 'canteen' which served a different class of cuisine. This I can totally believe, having worked at Butlins myself so I know what their staff canteens are like! It was closed in 1980 after Butlins didn't renew their lease.

(I found this catalogue actually online of the Butlins hotel that I used to work at. It's from '86, two years before I worked there... it's SO dated now!!)

From Tottenham Court Road I caught the bus to Islington, where I was going to change lines to go on to Hackney, but by now I'd started getting hungry so decided to buy a newpaper and stop in at one of my favourite places to eat, The S & M Cafe.

It's not, as the name might suggest, the kind of place where you'll get whipped if you don't eat your greens, but actually a kitsch little 50's style cafe that mainly serves sausages and mash ("The Worlds no1 Comfort Food!" according to their logo), although this morning I opted for kippers and poached eggs. The food was as excellent as ever, the waitress was a sweet friendly young woman (with a badge reading "Come sad... leave happy!" Ooer!) and the soundtrack went from the theme tune to Rainbow through to Tears for Fears' 'Mad World' and Paul Wellers' 'You Do Something To Me'.

The decor here is a little camp but it feels authentic, with lovely little touches such as these toilet signs;

... although I don't think any of the girls that I know would like to depicted as a mound of mashed potatoes! I stayed there for just over an hour and it was lovely just to sit, eat and pause from modern hectic London life for a while.

Now, as I said, I had my copy of The Times with me, so I endeavoured to get stuck into the Su Doku. There's a 'Killer' Su Doku printed every day as well as the two normal ones which I really enjoy trying to beat!

In 'Killer' you don't start with any numbers already in the grid (like the regular Su Doku's). The clue is that the numbers you put into each of the odd shaped “inner boxes” (marked by dotted lines) must add up to the small number written in the top corner of that inner box. All the normal Su Doku rules apply, and additionally you can't duplicate a number within an inner box. Throughout the week the puzzles get harder, starting with 'Gentle' on a Monday and working up to 'Deadly' on Friday.

Now, I've become really quite addicted to these, as sad as that is, and Mondays and Tuesday I can do really quickly. Wednesdays I have to think about but Thursdays are still a struggle.

A Friday one I had yet to finish... until TODAY! And within the target time of 55 minutes too! How chuffed am!? Well.... my lovely waitress was impressed anyway!

Moonpig gets hitched!

2006-10-09T16:41:00.000Z

I have a friend called 'Moonpig'. Well, she's not really called that obviously, but there are a few of us who still use that nickname. I don't even remember how it started. She's really called Kim.

I first got to know her probably about 10 years ago, when she turned up where I used to work, 'The American Bar & Restaurant', as a Trainee Waitress. I was training her class. She was loud, fun & intelligent, and we got on like a house on fire. In fact, it was one of my favourite ever classes to train. I went on to train her as a Supervisor too.

Another of her nicknames was 'The Littlest Hobo', she always seemed to have loads of carrier bags! Once, she came round for the evening, just to hang out, and was still on the sofa four days later!

Many things have happened over the last 10 years in both our lives. She's travelled lots, mainly to Australia and Thailand. I was diagnosed +ve. Diana died. We cried at both. We've both moved houses umpteen times. I had my heart attack. She met a guy in Oz. He came back with her for a while. She went back there to see him.... they realised they were serious.

It was three years ago that they first met. A few weeks back, I was honoured to be asked out on their combined Stag/Hen night; a lovely meal in a great Tapas restaurant (I sat with the girls!), followed by drinks at the Met Bar and on to ChinaWhites for late dancing. I spent lots of time getting to know her chap, he's a really great guy!

The wedding had actually already happened in Australia, but another one was planned to take place in Spain where Kim's Mum lives. This was to make it legal here too. I was invited but funds prohibited me from going out there, so this night out was it for me; after their Spanish wedding they would honeymoon and then move into the house they've bought in Canberra.

I had a great time in ChinaWhites! Kim used to work there, as did some of the other girls that were with us, so there were lots of comp'd drinks coming our way! The owner even sent over a magnum of Laurent Perrier for us! I spent most of the evening chatting and dancing with the girls, all of whom were lovely people, and a few numbers got swapped.

Maybe it was the champagne, maybe it was the fact the my little Moonpig was now a very beautiful grown-up married woman, maybe it was the fact she was going to Oz for good... but it was a very emotional goodbye when it was time for me to go home, and the tears flowed.

Which just leaves one thing to say; I wish you both much love & happiness in your new lives together.

I love you Moony!

Gotchya!

2006-10-09T15:21:00.000Z

"I'm just popping out for a cigarette," I say.

"You need to give up!" says the guy from work I hardly ever speak to.

"I also need to win the Lottery, but it's not likely is it."

There are times when you just can't think of a response, you stumble, and then later you find yourself thinking, "I wish I'd said that!". This time I nailed it.

Go Paul!

(and btw... yes I know I need to quit the cigs, but it wasn't his place to tell me)

Celebdaq

2006-10-05T09:18:00.000Z

I've had a few questions lately about Celebdaq, as listed in my hobbies section. "What is it?", "Where can I get some?" (?), so I thought I'd give a brief synopsis as an introduction.

CELEBDAQ is a celebrity stock exchange game. Instead of shares in companies you buy shares in celebrities and get dividend payouts depending on how many column inches they generate each week. You start with £10,000 (virtual) and trade either daily or weekly.

Check it out here!
If it looks good to you, you can always join my mini-league! (",) It's based on Tales Of The City characters!

My Day At Work

2006-10-04T16:39:00.000Z

Oh George, George, George...

2006-10-03T13:53:00.000Z

It seems things just go from bad to worse for George Michael. Having had great reviews for the start of his first tour for 15 years, he's spotted driving erratically by a woman who calls the police.

By the time they arive, he's slumped at the wheel (again!?!) at traffic lights in North London. He is taken to the police car on a trolley, because he's so stoned and taken to hospital then on to a police station. He's realeased without charges... again!

Today he says (and I paraphrase), 'There was a spliff in the car, but I don't have a drug problem'

Please George, don't waste your talent or your life. I don't care how much dope you wanna puff, but don't do it in public... and don't keep falling asleep at the wheel! It may not just be your life you waste!

The Rest of Tuesday Evening....

2006-09-28T19:48:00.000Z

The chance encounters of Tuesday evening, below, were just part of an altogether more bizarre evening, but I felt the need though to blog that as a chapter in itself. Here goes for the rest of it...

Whilst in Comptons, I had a voicemail come through on my phone. It was my Sister but the line was very bad and I could only make out bits of her message; ".... had an accident....car....alright...." and the likes. Oh shit!

I went out of the pub and called her straight back naturally. There had been an accident; a car had pulled out of a side turning onto the A3 and straight into the side of my Sister who was going at about 50mph. Luckily, there was no-one behind her or she would have been concertina'd. As it was there was just some whiplash, and the onset of shock. Her car was written off. I recommended brandy, hot water & sugar and a hot deep bubble bath... it works for me every time!

Then another voicemail; from a friend in Nottingham. Did I have any personal contact details for Argey; next of kin etc? Another SHIT! He also had been in a traffic accident, but I won't go into details as I have every faith that he will be well enough soon to tell us all about it himself. Needless to say I was totally panicked though! I don't know any of his family contacts so felt totally useless and unable to help at all.

After the 'Surbiton Set' had all dispersed I decided to go and grab something to eat, and I crossed over Shaftesbury Avenue and into one of my favourite Chinese restaurants, The Chinese Experience. As well as having great food and very friendly staff, I also have a 20% VIP discount card!

Halfway through my meal, I had a call from a guy I've been talking to on Gaydar for a while. He's a porn director and I've mentioned to him before that it's often been a fantasy of mine to take part in a porn movie.

He had been filming that day, but one of his models had no-showed and he had concerns that this guy would no-show again for the second part of the shoot the following day. He wondered if I might be interested in stepping in.

Well, I'd had a few beers by then so the dutch courage within me blurted out the reply "Of course! I'd love to!"

Then sense took over, "What kind of scene is it?"

"Nothing heavy, pretty vanilla stuff. Young guys, mainly duos, one threesome scene. I normally like to audition guys but I guess we won't be able to fix that before tomorrow will we?"

As it turned out, he lives in Soho. I was just round the corner from his flat. So I finished my meal, paid up and headed off.

He came to the door and I was immediately taken with his looks. Tall and slim with dark, floppy hair, like Keanu Reeves, and a lovely smile. Underneath his loose t-shirt I could make out a fit, toned torso. He poured me a beer and we chatted for a while, him asking me questions about what I liked doing and the experiences I've had. We went into his office where he showed me some rushes from the first days filming. The guys in the movie looked really hot! I was feeling very comfortable with him now, and his comments on my looks increased my confidence, so I started to undress. He liked the look of my body. He sat on the sofa and just observed as I stripped for him, he didn't touch me or himself.

Needless to say, I ended up doing a 'full' audition, his observation increasing my arousal. He liked what he saw, saying he would really be interested in using me in the movie if this guy didn't show up again. He said would put me on stand by.

It was late now and I was tired so I asked if I could stay over. He offered to get me a duvet so I could stay on the sofa, a true gent. I slept well, slipping off with a smile on my face, proud that I'd just broken another personal barrier; I'd actually auditioned and jacked off for a porn director!

The next day he called me at about 1 in the afternoon. The 'model' had turned up and so he wouldn't be needing me, but he said he definitely wants to use me at some point. I don't know if I will now, that decision was so spur of the moment that I'm not sure I'll have the same confidence if left to consider it for a while. We'll see.

Accidental Reunion

2006-09-27T12:13:00.000Z

I grew up in a part of Surrey called Surbiton. You may know it from a fairly well known programme called The Good Life, (a 70's classic!) and my formative years there were fairly typical of the Surbiton this programme portrayed; all hostess trolleys and perfect lawns.

Come the early 90's and I started to discover a whole new side to the area; the local gays. I moved in as a lodger with a guy I had got to know and was slowly introduced to the local group, some of whom it turned out I already knew from various random 'encounters' in town. My landlord had a fabulous Victorian flat, full of antiques and heavy ornate furniture. I think he figured himself as the local Margot (the character on the right of the photo above)

We stayed fairly tight for a few years with various parties, nights out and occassional affairs amongst members of the group. In fact, I think most of us probabaly shagged most of the others at one time or another, but hey, we were all a lot younger then!

Coming forward to 2004; I had lived in Nottingham for a few years and, following a horrible relationship split, a house burglary and worsening health, I moved back to London. One afternoon, I went back to one of my favourite pubs, Comptons (I've spoken of it before). As I walked in I was amazed at the transformation from when I had last seen it. A daring 'dragons blood red' had become the main interior colour scheme, the same colour as the old flat in Surbiton. As I looked around at the newly installed 'elegant clutter' I started recognising various pieces.... "I'm sure we had that portrait of Elizabeth Bowes Lyons in our lounge" etc...

Just at that point my old landlord came walking down the stairs, now the landlord of my favourite pub! Hence why I drink there so frequently; it's like a home from home!

Anyway, last night I was in there having a beer after a particularly boring training course I'd been on, and in comes one of the 'old' crowd, Steve. Steve had moved to SW France a few years ago to buy a run down hotel, refurb it and re-open as a restaurant/hotel. All had been going well until he suffered a heart attack last year. He's back in London for some treatment just for a couple of weeks, so it was lucky to bump into him.

He'd made arrangements to meet up last night with another old friend, an ex-shag of mine (on a totally amicable basis), so I had another person to catch up with! I hadn't sat and chatted to this guy for at least 10 years.

Then in walked J & I, the central couple of the 'Surbiton Set'. 23 years they've been together now and recently 'civil partnershipped' I'm proud to say. They were always the leaders of the set really and have continued their climb up the ladder and now live in Chelsea Harbour.

So there we were, 15-plus years older and hopefully a little wiser. The banter and bitchiness still flowed as did the dirty comments, but we all just picked up wherever it was we last left off.

Wishes

2006-09-27T11:57:00.000Z

Argy Bargey...

Get well soon, love you lots & thinking of you!

P xx

Seamen Wanted!

2006-09-21T12:23:00.000Z

Which one's your favourite?

The Night Listener

2006-09-19T13:48:00.000Z

"I know how it sounds when I call him my son. There's something a little precious about it, a little too wishful to be taken seriously. I've noticed the looks on people's faces, those dim, indulgent smiles that vanish in a heartbeat. It's easy enough to see how they've pegged me: an unfulfilled man on the shady side of fifty, making a last grasp at fatherhood with somebody else's child.

That's not the way it is. Frankly, I've never wanted a kid. Never once believed that nature's whim had robbed me of my manly destiny. Pete and I were an accident, pure and simple, a collision of kindred spirits that had nothing to do with paternal urges, latent or otherwise. That much I can tell you for sure.

Son isn't the right word, of course.

Just the only one big enough to describe what happened."

As I mentioned in a recent post, I've been a HUGE fan of Armistead Maupin for well over 20 years now, so I was really looking forward to this movie! I even have a first edition hardback signed by the author! The book was a real departure for him, moving away from the frivolity of the 'Tales..' series and the bittersweet humour of 'Maybe The Moon', and as an Executive Producer along with his partner Terry Anderson I knew he would get the movie just as he wanted it.

If you don't know the story here's a brief intro...

Gabriel Noone, (played superbly by Robin Williams), late night radio broadcaster, currently 'having some space' in his relationship at his boyfriend Jesse's request, receives a manuscript written by a 14 year old boy; a boy dying of AIDS following a childhood of unbelievable abuse. The boy is a fan, a regular listener to 'Noone at Night', and the two soon start a telephone friendship which leads Gabriel away from home and into a journey of doubts and twists.

The movie builds up the tension excellently, as Jesse (Bobby Cannavale) injects more and more doubt as to the boys real identity once he hears the similarity in his voice to his carer, Donna (Toni Collette, suitably manic!).

There are a couple of things that let this movie down for me; firstly, why move it to New York? Maupin is a chronicler of San Francisco and has always been associated with that beautiful city. Was it easier to sell NY to the American movie goers? Secondly, Gabriel never sees the boy, no-one does in fact except Donna and thats where the tension comes from. Does she have a multi personality syndrom? Is it munchausen by proxy? So why show him? I didn't want to 'know' him.

The only answer I can think is this; we're seeing the boy the way Gabriel imagines him, it's just his imagination. As someone who regularly 'jewels the elephant', his ability to fictionalise fills in the gaps. Once you get used to that it kind of works.

In all, I enjoyed it and will go and see it again, if only because I didn't spot Maupin make his Hitchcock-esque cameo! I'm not sure how it'll appeal to people who don't know the book or Maupin as I think there's a lot of stuff in here that only his fans will get; the semi-autobiographical aspect of the movie makes it very interesting for a diehard like me!

"Jewelling The Elephant"

2006-09-19T13:36:00.000Z

'My friend, whose name was Boyd, joined the Peace Corps in the late sixties. He was sent to a village in India where he fell in love with a local girl and eventually proposed to her. But Boyd's blue-blooded parents back in South Carolina were so aghast at the prospect of dusky grandchildren that they refused to attend the wedding in New Delhi.
So Boyd sent them photographs. The bride turned out to be an aristocrat of the highest caste, better bred by far than any member of Boyd's family. The couple had been wed in regal splendor, perched atop a pair of jewelled elephants. Boyd's parents, imprisoned in their middle-class snobbery, had managed to miss the social event of a lifetime.
I had told that story so often that Jess knew it by heart. So when Boyd came to town on business and met Jess for the first time, Jess was sure he had the perfect opener. "Well," he said brightly, "Gabriel tells me you got married on an elephant."
Boyd just blinked at him in confusion.
I could already feel myself reddening. "You weren't?"
"No," Boyd said with an uncomfortable laugh. "We were married in a Presbyterian church."
Jess said nothing, but he gave me a heavylidded stare whose meaning I had long before learned to decipher: You are never to be trusted with the facts.'

Extract from "The Night Listener"
by Armistead Maupin

Thorpe Park pics

2006-09-16T12:07:00.000Z

I kind of slated our day at Thorpe Park last week, but I just wanted to add that it was a Gaydar issue really, the park itself is great! If you're ever in that part of the world, check it out and I dare you to ride 'Stealth!" Here are some pics...

Vic (left) and Gary

Stealth accelerates like a bullet, just to plunge you down a vertical 205ft drop!!

This shot, above, was taken at quite a distance... it was the only way I could fit it into one picture!

Video of 'Stealth'

Wicked!

2006-09-15T13:36:00.000Z

Monday evening saw Gary, Vic and I head off to Apollo Victoria to see 'Wicked!', and it really was something!

Every now and then a show is just 'right' & everything comes together; the music, set, costumes and cast are all fantastic, and the result is pure magic. It happens rarely in these days of rehashed pop music shows and revivals of old musicals, but 'Wicked!' really does have something original and genius about it.

The cast, headed by Idina Menzel are superb, and also includes Miriam Margolyes and Nigel Planer (Neil from the 'Young Ones' if you go back as far as I do!). Idina performed the role role of the Wicked Witch on Broadway, winning her a Tony Award, and she is an oustanding talent! She is on stage for the majority of the show, and song after song she literally brings the house down, if you'll excuse the pun!

If you haven't read the book or heard the story yet, 'Wicked!" takes the tale from 'The Wizard of Oz' and looks at the two Witches, telling their personal histories. The Wicked Witch, here called Elphaba (it's from L.Frank Baums' intitials) is explained in full; why is she green? What made her wicked? Why is she only friends with flying monkeys? Why were those slipper so goddam important? With some great comic lines in there too ("What kind of a girl takes a dead womans slippers?"), the show zips along at a great pace, charting the friendship of the two through college, as room mates, and beyond.

The music, by Stephen Schwartz of 'Godspell' fame, is virtually non-stop with very little dialogue in between and provides some really memorable numbers. 'Defying Gravity' was definitely my favourite, with Elphaba levitating for the first time, it was quite spectacular!

A slight technical hitch towards the end of the first act held up proceedings for a short while, but hey, that's what you expect when you go to a preview eh?

All in all, I can't recommend this show enough! Book soon though, tickets will be flying out!

Tardiness

2006-09-13T12:59:00.000Z

I feel I'm running behind with my blogs.

Obviously yesterdays entry about the "Great Gay Rip Off" at Thorpe Park (I'm gonna keep mentioning it because of the amount of google hits it gets... and I want to give it as much bad press as possible) should really have gone out on Monday, but to be honest I didn't think it proper or sensitive to moan about my crap day at a theme park on the anniversary of 9/11.

I was working in an American 'theme' restaurant then (look at my name... now you know where this nickname comes from), so we were inundated that day with tourists from the States to watch our tv screens, and try to absorb what was unfolding live on the other side of the Big Pond. But nothing I could say on my memories of 'that day' would have matched those of the people that were there.

I read some great posts on Monday, all WAY more relevant than mine would've been. As usual,Joe.My.God provided a great account with fantastic pictures. Read it here

As for Monday night at 'Wicked!'... well, I'll blog about that when I have a little more time ;o)

Gaydar Day @ Thorpe Park

2006-09-11T16:29:00.000Z

As you know from a previous post, I was really looking forward to this day out. It was a birthday gift from G & V, so we started the day early at theirs with champagne and a smoked salmon breakfast before heading off to Waterloo station.

On the way there we were discussing ideas of how we thought the day would go. The website (which has now been changed!*) had originally stated that the park would be exclusively gay, but we knew that was highly unlikely at a park this size on a Saturday. In fact, there had already been rumours it would be open to all. That was ok, I felt, so long as they stuck to the 'Strictly Over 18's' rule that was printed on our tickets; lets face it, half the fun of the day was that it would be kid free, no stupid teens arseing about and no tiny ones crying and screaming! More personally though, 'exclusivity' gives gay men and women the freedom to hold hands and kiss if they want to without feeling stared at or fearful of abuse.

How wrong we were! That was EXACTLY what we got for our pink pound... a park full of straight teenagers and families! It was hardly any different to a normal day EXCEPT we were given a nice little wristband that would not only get us into the 'exclusive**' areas, but it would also let all the baseball capped lads know exactly who they could hurl abuse at. Inspired!

Apparently there was a Gaydar VIP Tent, with a buffet, DJ's and private loo's. We could use that at an additional cost of £50 per head ("WHAT!?!?!"); that must have been where all the Gaydar staff were... we didn't see any all day. In fact, I don't recall even seeing the tent!

If Gaydar could not sell enough tickets to fill the park as they originally had hoped, I understand they may need to come to a compromise with the park so as not to lose a fortune. However, we SHOULD have been told and offered a refund, or at least some bloody free queue jump tickets as compensation, (which we actually paid £7 extra for!)

In fact, seeing as there were so few poofs there, why not give us all access to the VIP tent?!

The Salvation 'tent' took place in the Dome, but not until 6pm, and up until 10pm. If you've been tramping round a theme park for 7 hours, you're knackered by then and fairly close to just wanting to get home, especially as there was no special shuttle bus to get us all back to the train station for the rides back to London.

To add insult to injury, we found out that regular tickets were being sold on the day for £33.50 for TWO, when we had paid £32 EACH!!

As it happened, I quite enjoyed my day anyway, as I was out with my mates doing something we don't often do together, but the feeling of being ripped off totally ruined it. We didn't get anythin extra for our cash, it was poorly organised, and when they knew things weren't going to be as they promised they did bugger all to compensate or even to communicate to us!

If you have tickets for the other event at Alton Towers personally I'd ask for a refund, but if you do go along don't expect the special 'Pride'-type day that I was looking forward to!

*changed to say: "(is) open to gay men and women and anyone else who is friendly and accepting of the gay and lesbian community." Now tell me this; a group of kids, 'lads' and 'ladettes', arrive at Thorpe Park, they're handed a leaflet saying that there is a gay event on. Is this going to make them turn on their heels and flee? Or, just give them all a good laugh?!

**exclusive area; A cafe with a DJ in it, but no Gaydar reps or hosts. Can also be accessed by anyone else for an extra £5.