My Own Desiderata

(The real Desiderata is here)

Tread placidly on anyone who looks at you sideways. Wear cotton fresh socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction: tell people you’re fifty-seven and they’ll think you look really great. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. Boo joggers; don’t work-out, work-in.

Learn to play the flumpet. Sleep with somebody you like. Eat plenty of blue Liquorice Allsorts, but campaign against blue Smarties. Try to do a job you love. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "Fuck you all!!" at the top of your voice. Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Don’t wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes, after that, who cares? ... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes. Avoid people who say they know the answer but keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Don’t pat animals with sneaky eyes. Avoid giving ecstacy to guide dogs for they will not find the way.

But above all, make your life extraordinary.