PLEASE READ THE UPDATE TO THIS POST IN THE MESSAGES
I haven't heard from Jay since he left my place on Saturday morning, apart from a reply to a text I sent him on Saturday night. I also haven't had an e-mail or a text today to find out if I'd heard about the job. Succesfully I managed to hold my natural urge to be angry about that; after all, maybe it's good that he wants to take things slowly, and I know he's been busy at work.
Well, since I heard about the job at lunchtime, I've been bursting with excitement but still I resisted calling him. I thought I'd give him a chance to *miss me* rather than me be 'in his face' too much.
But I couldn't hold on any longer so I just sent him a mail asking if he fancied joing me for a celebratory drink this evening in Soho, and swiftly got the reply
"CONGRATULATIONS! Can't tonight I have a meeting at 8am x"
When I replied saying that it won't be a late one as I have to be up tomorrow too, I got this;
"Don't drink too much. Have a good time."
Does he actually give a flying fuck? Does he get excited about seeing me at all or just when it fits his diary... in other words, once a week? I've never put up with a second-rate relationship purely for the sake of not being on my own, and I'm always amazed by people who do, but now I think I'm settling for something that's not actually working for me.So I've typed this reply, but for the time being I've saved it in 'drafts':
"You know, I was determined not to get in touch with you first, to allow you to take things at the speed you wanted and be the one who contacted me, but I was so excited about this news that I've really wanted to share it with you all day. I was also determined not to mind that you hadn’t got in touch today to see if I’d heard anything, but eventually I couldn’t wait any longer.
I’m sorry if I put too much pressure on you. I seem to be too demanding for you. I’ve tried to take things easy for your sake, really I have, but what’s the point of doing great things if you have no-one to share it with?
I’m not sure we’re at all suited Jay, because although I love you dearly you still manage to make me feel empty."
I'll decide whether or not to send it tomorrow when I've calmed down.