Not Been Around Much Lately

I had a comment from a regular reader yesterday that I haven't been blogging recently. To be honest, I've not had a great Christmas and New Year and I didn't want to write boring, miserable rubbish that would bring other people down during their holidays.

To start with I only had the one day off, the 25th, so I wasn't full of festive spirit anyway. My mobile buggered up on the 23rd too so I couldn't even get hold of most people I know, because that's where I store their numbers.

On the Monday, the 18th, Jay got in touch saying he wanted to meet me, take me for dinner and give me a gift. We arranged the 22nd, 10:30pm at London Bridge station.

On that Friday 22nd I went with G&V and some other friends to see "The Little Shop of Horrors" at The Chocolate Factory. It was an excellent show! This was the highlight of my Christmas. The cast, and the set were fabulous! They were all going into town for drinks after, but I left them to go and meet Jay.

He didn't make it, texting that he was feeling rough from a big night the day before. I got the message at 10:35, while I was standing in the station forecourt, gifts in hand and freezing cold. I went back to meet up my friends, who I should never have left, feeling so stupid and foolish.

When they all went home, I stayed out. I decided to go to Central Station in Kings Cross. Believe it or not, Jay was there! Fireworks followed! I had his gifts with me but refused to give them to him, saying he wasn't worthy of anything from me. He looked pathetic, "But I've bought you something really nice" he said "Please meet me tomorrow?"

The following morning he text me, asking to meet me for lunch at 2pm. I agreed, god knows why, but ended up running late and when I got there at 2:30 he was waiting out in the street, saying he'd got bored waiting in the restaurant. He handed me a Selfridges bag with a Ted Baker shirt in it.

"Sorry it's not wrapped," he said.

The shirt was horrid, not 'me' at all. Ironically, I'd also bought him a shirt, a crisp white boxed set, with silk tie and silver cufflinks. I'd also found a bear dressed in a Gordon Ramsey chef outfit, in memory of my birthday at Claridges. I also wanted to invite him to Manchester to see Kylie with me.

"I'll put the receipt in the bag so you can change it if you want," he added. I'd obviously not hidden my disappointment too well!

After we parted, and I was on my way to work, I looked at the receipt.

23/12/06 14:11 Yup! he'd actually gone to Selfridges that day while he waited for me. This explained why he hadn't met me the night before, because he hadn't yet got round to getting me anything and had been lying all week.

I stewed over this all Christmas, at home on my own on Christmas day, mobile knackered, feeling sick thinking about him. On Boxing Day I sent this e-mail from work;

"Hey Jason,

How was your time off? I hope you had fun!

You'll be reading this on the 2nd probably, so I'll be in hospital. Great way to start the year eh?

Sorry to do this by e-mail, but I just wanted to let you know that I know what a useless liar you are. Last week you said right from the start that you'd bought me a great gift, and you wanted to give it to me over dinner. Well maybe you were trying to impress me, but it was a lie, and liars never impress me. I thought you'd have known that by now.

You even repeated the claim on Friday night when I caught you in Central Station. You were lying again, not just about the gift now, but also about why you couldn't meet me at London Bridge that night. On the Saturday, you lied more about waiting for me in the restaurant until 2 0'clock when they closed. Your lie just grew and grew.

It turned out pretty good for you that I ran late that day eh? It gave you time to nip into Selfridges and get the shirt right?

'23/12/2006 14:11' the receipt says.

And to think I was so worried about keeping you waiting!

So I just want to say forget that Manchester we talked about going on, I'll sell the Kylie tickets. In fact, unless you can pull the old Jason, or a new-improved honest one, out of the bag, then please forget me also. I'm going to do my best now to try and forget you too.

I've given you so much patience, consideration and support, and all you've given me is rubbish. Think back over the last six months and all I've done for you, for very little in return emotionally. Not content with messing up these last six months, letting me down at every opportunity, you then had to ruin my Christmas. I felt physically sick for most of it. Sick that I'd been made such an idiot. I've never lied to you Jason, about anything, and you should know that. I, on the other hand, can't believe a word you've ever said.

Good luck in your new home, and I wish you a happy and prosperous 2007 - I hope it turns out better for both of us than this one.

Paul"