What Pauly Did Next... pt 2

Sorry I've not posted for a while, but you know how things get!

I was chastised last weeek for having kept the last post at the top for so long, "Every time I click on, I see 3 faces of AIDS! How depressing!"

I know hon, I see it every day in the mirror.

Anyway, what a great summer we're having eh? Wimbledon starts today, welcomed in by the usual first day showers, Big Brother is actually quite entertaining (well it is when you get in from work at 1am and there's bugger all else on the telly except the Learning Zone!) and we're through to the quarter finals in the World Cup.

Now, it may not surprise you to know that I'm not the greatest of footie fans, but, like many others, however I do get into it when there's a big tournament on...and this year, I've actually started watching it in a pub!

I've always avoided this in the past due to the obvious risk of a room full of pissed-up straight guys taking exception to a poof in their midst. However this time, one of my favourite pubs, Comptons, has started showing the matches on a big screen in their top bar. As you can see from the pic, it gets very busy when the suns out!

So now I can watch the England boys in the midst of some sporty boyz, and its a great atmosphere! I would highly recommend it if you're in Soho when there's a match on!!

Other news...

I nearly had a 'thing' again with the Hairdresser.... despite him now 'sort of seeing someone' and all the history we've had. It lasted one night, then the next night, at a party which we just both happened to be at, he ended up in the toilet with someone for half an hour; not only making a total embarrasment of himself but hurting me , again, to boot. I'm glad it happened though, it really made me get over him on the spot in a way that no amount of counselling ever could. That was over two weeks ago, and I've not thought about getting in touch with him since, not even to be angry. I'm just so over it.

I was also offered a job as an IT support analyst at our Head Office, but turned it down because the money wasn't a big enough rise to warrant me commuting to Uxbridge every day. Its a good 1hr 30mins from home, and the rise wouldnt even have covered the additional zones on the travel card! Shame though, as the training I would've got and the CV potential would've been great. They're still thinking about it, so I may yet get a better offer!

Promise to post sooner next time! Thanks for taking the time to read!

Paul xx

The Three Faces of Aids

There are times that I still don't know how I feel about being HIV+. To start with I went into complete denial, thinking I was too tough, too cocky, for it ever to get me; I would just carry on regardless & it would go away or kill me quickly.

Then, a couple of years back, I got quite ill. I developed Karposi's Sarcoma; those big purple blotches that everyone identifies with those early shock photo's of the medias first reports. It scared me. They can move into the trachea and people have been known to die of suffocation because the lumps in their throat disabled their breathing.

Luckily I got them on my body so no-one knew and ithey didn't ruin my breathing or my looks! Howwver I lost a lot of weight; I bottomed at 7 stone and I had only 20 white blood cells left. I felt weaker so I went part-time at work & even then would spend 3 days in bed to get over the two days that I'd just worked. My friends have told me since that they'd cry after they'd seen me.

So, I wasn't so invincible after all! Eventually, after being diagnosed for 8 years, I started to take treatment seriously. I had to; I was told I'd have six months to live otherwise.

I took the help; at last! Combination therapy turned my health, and my life, around. However, I'm still not 'normal'; I still have this "thing" inside me. If any of you remember the tv programme 'V', I sometimes think it's a bit like that... this creature, this inner monster, almost as if that if you'd rip my facial skin off you'll reveal the true horror of what lies beneath. It's hard to get to know someone, to form a relationship. How can I offer anyone such damaged goods and expect them to love it? If they say they do, invariably I don't believe them.

Next January will be the 10th anniversary of my diagnosis. That will officially make me a 'long term survivor'. On one hand, that makes me very proud; proud that I can be that resiliant. It also feels very odd that of all the labels I would ever want to have, the clubs I'd ever want to be in, that that's where I've ended.

Here are 3 stories about other 'long term survivors'...

25 Years of AIDS

Gay Pills! ;o)

After having a chuckle at Argey Bargey's 'Holy Cereal Bars' etc, I thought I'd add a product a bit queerer...

A Minor Acheivement

I've just discovered that if you Google "TGI Paul", I'm now the top response.



You have to take pleasure in these small things in life methinks.