On my way back!

I know, I'm crap! I haven't been posting much at all lately and when I have they've been flippant things and not really about anything at all to do with whats really happening in my life, which, hopefully, may be what some readers actually come here for!

I've got to be honest, I have been really down for a while. Having my teeth taken out, then all the shit with Jay (and there's actually more, but I just don't want to dwell on that ), I really did get my confidence knocked for a while.

Add to that problems at work, with staff mainly, that have left me feeling unable to cope and doubting my own ability, and the last thing I've felt like doing is writing it all down here. That probably would have been the really sensible thing do though, to use this blog as a personal 'off load' tool. Instead, I have just been wayward.

I have been drinking too much, sleeping around too much (last week I woke up in 5 different beds... none of them mine!), and basically doing all the stuff that I originally went to counselling last year to try and stop.

So, the counselling didn't work, because otherwise I would have found a different way to deal with the feelings of rejection, and lack of self worth, that I felt after him.

But I also think that maybe thats just 'what I do'. Perhaps it's my own way of grieving, but does that make it right? Of course not, not if it's not what I want to do.

The other thing I've noticed is that this is exactly the same time of year that I went through exactly the same shit after The Hairdresser. Is there a touch of 'seasonal affectiveness disorder' here, or am I just scrabbling for excuses via hypochondria?

I do know that I desperately miss the sun, and hate not being able to afford a quick trip away somewhere to find some, and I also know that the big turn-around day for me was Tuesday; the first bright, spring like day that we've had this year. My mood lifted & my work was excellent; I was proactive, efficient, affable and confident.

I have achieved alot this year already, and had some great nights out (as well as the random ones, but I'm trying to focus on the positive here!). I regret not keeping this blog up to date, because I feel I have so much to tell you all (I will have to backlog some stories soon).

But I do also feel that I'm starting to get back to me.

My Own Desiderata

(The real Desiderata is here)

Tread placidly on anyone who looks at you sideways. Wear cotton fresh socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction: tell people you’re fifty-seven and they’ll think you look really great. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. Boo joggers; don’t work-out, work-in.

Learn to play the flumpet. Sleep with somebody you like. Eat plenty of blue Liquorice Allsorts, but campaign against blue Smarties. Try to do a job you love. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "Fuck you all!!" at the top of your voice. Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Don’t wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes, after that, who cares? ... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes. Avoid people who say they know the answer but keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Don’t pat animals with sneaky eyes. Avoid giving ecstacy to guide dogs for they will not find the way.

But above all, make your life extraordinary.

WICKED WINNER! BEST NEW MUSICAL

Whatsonstage.com Theatregoers’ Choice Awards 2007

"The hit musical WICKED has emerged as the year’s biggest winner at the Whatsonstage.com Theatregoers’ Choice Awards 2007, winning Best New Musical, Best Design, Best Actress in a Musical and Best Supporting Actress in a Musical. "

"Based on Gregory Maguire's acclaimed novel, the spellbinding WICKED transports audiences to a spectacular fantasy world of wizardry, witchcraft, sorcery and spells to tell the incredible untold story of an extraordinary friendship between two girls: the blond and popular Glinda and the misunderstood green girl, Elphaba, whose destiny is to become the infamous Wicked Witch of the West. "

"The record-breaking sensation of London’s theatreland, WICKED is now booking until 29 March 2008 and has just announced that Susie Blake (who has been playing Bev Unwin in Coronation Street for the past four years) will star as Madame Morrible from 2 April 2007."

“WICKED is a phenomenon and phenomenal.” Mark Shenton, Sunday Express

A Memory Vanished

Following an earlier post where I mentioned my history as a Butlins Redcoat at The Ocean Hotel in Saltdean, just outside Brighton, I noticed a hit from a Saltdean website search engine.

Tracing it back to the website, I found this photo...

The steps coming down the back were the entrance to the pool from the cafe, which was where the windows go right along the back. You can make out the pools fountain there on the blue wall.

My bedroom was on the top floor of the block on the left hand side, all the Redcoats lived up there. My room was the one right on the corner. I had windows on two sides, overlooking the sea and the pool. The fire exit there, above the red door, that led to the pool side was like my personal balcony! I was 18, discovering independance and, for a young gay guy, Brighton in 1987 couldn't have been a better home! I had a ball!

I wish I hadn't seen this photo, I prefer it like this...

Dreamgirls... a delayed review!

I'm fairly sure I don't need to tell you the story of 'Dreamgirls'. The well-documented tale of a girl group hitting the uber-heights of stardom via an underhanded switch of lead singers is famous.

What's a little fuzzy here is whether that switch happened purely as a result of their managers love for 'Deena' (the Diana Ross character), played by Beyonce, or if he just sees her voice as being weaker, less 'black', and therefore more likely to cross over to the white dominated charts. In fact, quite a lot gets glossed over as the movie speeds through race riots and political changes quicker than is maybe necessary.

Jennifer Hudson as the slightly too large vocalist with an amazing voice, Effie White, effortlessly steals the movie right out from underneath Beyonces perfectly formed nose. She has undoubtedly the best two numbers in the movie; "One Night Only" and the drag queen anthem "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going", both of which she delivers with passion and relish. The night I saw the movie the latter got a round of applause from the audience, something you rarely see in a cinema! If she doesn't win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, I'll eat my wigs!

Eddie Murphy puts in the only other notable performance as a James Brown-come-Little Richard star whose career is firmly in the descendant. His drug problem is another part of the history thats shown briefly but never fully told or finalised.

Beyonce adds style and glamour when Deena's performing, and she has the Ross mannerisms down to a tee, all coy looks and hunched shoulders. Sometimes its uncanny. The problem here though is that her vocal is TOO strong, there are some songs that seem to support the managers choice to make her the lead and this undermines the story.

If you know the real life story of the Supremes you easily spot all the similarities. The girls start as 'The Dreamettes' (The Supremes started as 'The Pippettes'), before becoming the 'Dreams' and then 'Deena Jones and the Dreams'. Deenas manager is fixated with her starring in a remake of 'Cleopatra', thinking that its a great idea for her to play one of the biggest ever white icons. In reality of course, Diana Ross played the lead in the black version of 'The Wizard of Oz', possibly for the same reason. Songs get stolen and peoples lives, most obviously Effies, get trodden on. Deena ends up... well, maybe I won't tell you that bit.

However, if you don't know the legend that the movie is based on, as my companions that night didn't, then the movie is not compelling enough to stand on its own. Beyonce and Jamie Foxx are quite wooden in their scenes together and you don't really care enough about them enough or how their relationship will pan out. It left me feeling I missed the true magic of the show by not seeing it on stage, where I think the spectacle would have hidden the drab script more successfully.

Dreamgirls AT LAST!

Tomorrow is the opening of, arguably, the most exciting film for us 'boyz' in years!


G&V and I will be in Leicester Square.... I can't wait!
Will review at the weekend