My Last Day pt 2

As you know, Friday was my last day at Head Office. I wasn't expecting gifts or the like as I haven't been there that long. I wasn't really even expecting a "Sorry You're Leaving" card, as I doubt they are! I must admit though, I was kind of thinking I may get a "Good Luck In Your New Job" card.

I was all prepared with the response; "Ah! That's really sweet of you. If it's a "Good Luck" card, which I suspect it is, then I'm going to save it for my first day at the restaurant I think! Thanks alot!"

But all day there was no sign of a card, until nearly the half past five when I came back from the bathroom to find a wrapped present and a card on my desk! The present was quite large, rectangular and about the thickness of an old LP (showing my years now!)

"It's just a little something to 'say thanks for your hard work', and good luck for Hampstead" my Team Leader said, in an attack of 'niceness'.

I picked it up and perused the package. It wasn't really little, so she must mean cheap I figured.

"It's a Kylie calendar isn't it?" I guessed

"You spoilsport!! Haha!! How did you know?"

'Because it's a cliched gift for a gay man from straight people with no imagination' I thought, but refrained from verbalising.

"Because you must know I like her!" was the actual response.

And I was right about the card too; it was a 'Good Luck', not a 'Sorry You're Leaving', but very nice of them nonetheless! I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe I'd been underestimating them?

As I left the office, I passed a guy who I chat to every day round in the smoking area outside.

"Bye Tim!" I said

"Cheers John, have a good weekend!" he replied, unaware of my name and possibly even the fact that I was leaving.

So, it would seem, I'd been right.

Last Day At Head Office

God, how I'll miss getting up at 6:15am, squashing myself onto the 'Ghetto Express', followed by the arduous lumpy-bumpy ride all the way out to the farthest reaches of the Metropolitan line , squashed in by lumpy-bumpy people (who can't do Sudoku's!)

How I'll miss being communicated with purely by phone or e-mail, and the condescending manner of my Team Leader, and the non-existence of my Department Manager, or the imaginary job description that I'm still waiting for!

And all so that I can get my own little restaurant in leafy Hampstead... what am I thinking?!?

Lady Mucca Speaks Out!

Try as she might, the Bouncer at ChinaWhites wasn't going to let her in

I only saw a few brief clips of the 'Lady' Heather interview this morning before I left for work so I can't really comment on it too much, (though you know I love to have a good moan about her) but a couple of things have struck me about this straight away;

1) If you're trying to prove you're not a publicity-seeking self-promoter then surely a TV interview isn't the best way to do it? Maybe retreating to Outer Mongolia would do it?

2) If you're trying to claim the intrusion into your life has been unbearable, ditto!

3) So much for trying to keep this as quick and painless as possible for the sake of Beatrice eh?

4) If you think you're going to get the same sort of sympathy Princess Di did by hiring the same lawyer and doing a similiar kind of 'heart on sleeve' appearance, then you're even more self deluded than I originally thought!

5) When you say "I'm never going to marry again", is that because you're rich enough now to not need to anymore?

And Another Thing...

...that happened this weekend, was that I hit my 100th post!

Seeing as I've been blogging for 10 months, that doesn't seem too great does it, but seeing as to start with I was only posting once a fortnight I've obviously picked up some momentum!

I also noticed (with my new NeoCounter!), that I had my 200th hit from my 20th country in just 20 days! Again, that must seem paltry to many of you who have been blogging longer than I have, and built up your reader base, but I'm pretty darned chuffed!

Gosh, and it only seems like last week I hit my 1000th visitor! Oh hang on, it was!

(",)

Over The Weekend

Despite the situation with J, left as it was at the end of last week, the weekend was surprisingly good. Luckily I had a couple of distractions.

Friday evening, after work, there was a leaving 'do' for one of the girls here at The PizzaBase. I had planned on going for a 'couple' to see her off but not stay too long because of my mammoth commute.

However, by 8pm I was having such a good time, getting to know people who I never really talk to, that I decided to stay another hour. You knew this was coming right? Anyway, by 9pm I realised I was too tipsy to make it back to East London, so in the light of that (and Monday's events) I booked into a hotel and got on with enjoying myself.

Saturday morning, bright and amazingly chirpy, I made by way back on almost-empty trains, to Hackney. I was on Support Call this weekend, so I had the wireless laptop and the Blackberry phone with me too (this was another reason I didn't want to risk the journey 'three sheets to the wind!').

I don't mind doing support call weekends, especially now we've gone wireless as you can sit in bed on a sunday morning, watching the abundance of cookery programmes that seem to be on these days, and just deal with peoples issues as they call you. This weekend it would help to keep me busy too and my mind occupied.

The first time I took the IT Support equipment home, it reminded me of being in Infants School, oddly enough. I don't know about you but we had a class pet, and each weekend it was someones turn to take the pet home. Our class had a gerbil. I forget it's name. I was about the age that I am in this picture.

The whole school year passed by, and no matter how hard I stretched my hand, and pleaded "Pleeease Miss!" at the end of class every Friday, I was never picked to looked after the Gerbil.

Until the last Friday before the last half-term holiday week of the year.

Unbelievable! I had been picked to look after the lovely, fluffy, long tailed little pet ALL WEEK!!

Never so proud, I skipped off home, cage in hand. I can't exactly remember the reaction I got from my parents, but I doubt it was a good one, probably along the lines of; "Well, it's OK so long as you clean it out yourself!" (Mum), and "Bloody rat!" (Dad; never fond of any animals).

Everything went well all week with my little friend, until the Sunday; I had decided I should clean his cage out one last time before returning him to school the next morning. The Gerbil was running around my bedroom floor as I gave the cage an extra-thorough cleaning; after all, I couldn't have anyone thinking I hadn't looked after the little thing properly!

'All done!' I thought, dusting off the sawdust from my hands, ' Now I just need to get him back in the cage! No! Keep still! Come here!'

He scampered away and under the bed, I grabbed out blindly with my face squashed against the side of a suitcase. I was so worried I may lose him under there forever!

That's when *it* happened! I had definitely grabbed hold of something, but I couldn't feel the weight of the animal. I withdrew my hand to find...

A tail. A boney semi-rigid gerbil's tail. No gerbil attached. I knelt and stared in disbelief. What have I done to him?!

Panicking, I hunted the rest of him out and, seeing no blood or obvious distress, plopped him back in his cage. The following morning, I took him into school, and told the Teacher everything had been fine. My heart was pounding!

It wasn't until lunchtime that she came to me and questioned me over his amazing shrinking rear appendage. (OK, she didn't use these exact words, just work with me here!).

"He had an accident!" I blurted out, "He trapped it in the door of his cage trying to get out!"

I doubt she believed me, but no major harm was done so the case against me was dropped.

Luckily, the laptop and the BlackBerry have gone back after all of my support call weekends fully intact. With no leads missing.

FYI; incase you were worried about the Gerbil, I found this at 'The Gerbil Society' website;

Loss of Tail
As you probably know, a gerbil's tail is quite fragile and rough handling can cause the tuft to come away. Very often the bone will be left behind. Whilst it does not look very pleasant, the bone will dry out and then auto amputate after a few days and the end will heal over naturally. I have come across cases where an entire tail has been pulled off. In these cases it is better to get the gerbil examined by a Vet to check that no other damage has been caused. The gerbil will learn to adapt to the loss and will hardly notice its injury.

Where Are You?

Are you sitting, like me,
just watching tv;
another crass dose of 'reality'?

Are you sitting alone,
just watching your phone,
with only a beer can for company?

Are you out with some friends,
making amends
for not being around too much lately?

Or are you on your settee,
with his head on your knee,
simply banishing every thought of me?

Quote of the Day

I just found this on Postcards From Hells Kitchen's blog;

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"... Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

- Charles M. Schulz

I know the feeling Chuck!

Saturday Silliness

No more boring talk of J, instead a bit of fun for the weekend.

Name in Russian:>>

This is pretty cool... click the link below to try it out.
Ignore all theRussian on the site, just type your name in the text box and click to see what your name looks like in Russian...very impressive! Use the name you go by day to day,

http://www.callme.nm.ru/

And if that didn't make you smile here's a joke you can tell in the pub this evening...

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office so I will swing by the house to pick my things up"

"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit peculiar but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.The following weekend he came home, a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."

what else could I say?

Hi J,

Just thought I’d drop a quick note to see how you’re doing. I was wondering if we were going to be speaking at all soon.

We’ve not been doing very well really have we? It’s such a shame as I really do think a lot of you, and had hoped this was going to be long term. Please get in touch as I am a little worried that you didn’t reply to my text yesterday and you're ok.

xx

Paul


Hey,

After our conversation on Wednesday I think it is better for all concerned that we don't see each other.

You are right, we are both looking for differing things at the moment. That is a shame.

I don't think it is great doing this in an e-mail, but I don't want to speak to you at the moment.

Take care of yourself.

J


I’m so sorry you don’t want to speak to me, I know it’s hard for you but it is for me too to feel this unloved and confused.

I’m convinced you are seeing someone else, otherwise why would you only want to see me once a week, when you say you want to make it work? It's all a little too much like it was at the start when you were darting back and forth between me & M. I really wanted it to work too; I just needed more contact, and a little reassurance, as I explained at dinner last Friday.

I’m really upset it’s ended like this.

Paul

Link To A Great Cause!

For those of you who haven't yet read Joe's article about Mike Jones, the 'rent boy' who told the gods-honest truth about Rev Ted Haggart (right) five days before the US Elections, this a post well worth looking at.

If you're unaware of this story (it was glossed over in a lot of the press here) Mike Jones is the guy who not only revealed the immense hypocrisy of a man who was rallying against gay equal partnership rights (at the same time as renting men for class-A fulled sex sessions), but also could be said to have a been a help in America's election outcome.

Joe writes;

"I've been in contact with Mike over the last week. He tells me that the major gay rights organizations have extended nothing but ten-foot poles. He is unemployed and I imagine that for at least the short future, he is unemployable. He is facing the potential of huge legal bills. He has received death threats from Haggard's followers and other peace-loving Christians."

There are details there about how to contribute to Mike's paypal account and help the guy out. Personally, I think he's worth it!

Wrapping It All Up

I'm not talking about a Christmas present, far from it infact. Actually it's an anti-present. J had said he wanted to spend Christmas Day with me, but it's me that's cancelled it.

Further to our e-mail exchange on Monday, (and the ensuing dreadful, miserable, pitiful night out), I sent him a text to let him know what had happened. Now, my friends have sent me lots of very caring, sympathetic messages, and there have been some lovely comments posted on here, but the best J could manage was;

"Hope ur ok (n.b wouldn't 'Are you ok?' be a little more like he gave a shit?). Why did u have £250 on u?"

I replied with a brief explanation, also mentioning that I was now on the way to the dentists, and heard nothing back at all. No more texts, no phone call, nothing. Maybe it's because I was going to the dentists and my phone would be off. He'll call tonight, I figured.

I was wrong. I spent most of the evening checking my phone incase I hadn't heard it; nothing.
I was reminded of a rare bit of wisdom I once gave a friend, "Being on your own isn't half as lonely as waiting for a call from someone you *hope* cares".

On Wednesday lunchtime I sent him another text; "Whats happening J?"

No reply. By about 5pm I could think of nothing else, consumed wih trying to work out what was going on. It was driving me insane. This guy hasn't spoken to me since Saturday morning when he said goodbye, in spite of everything he'd said Friday night about wanting to make it work, and that he'd make more of an effort. Then through something great and something awful he hasn't wanted to speak to me at all.

I set my mobile to withold the number and called him. He answered straight away. Funny that, I thought. I asked why he hadn't responded to my texts, he said he'd been busy. I asked why he hadn't called to see if I was OK, and he admitted that he resented the implication from my text that it was because he didn't come out on Monday that I had such a bad night.

"It was your choice to go out and get drunk Paul. It was nothing to do with me."

"You're absolutely right J, I'm totally responsible for my own actions and I was bloody stupid, but do you really think I was going to go home and sit in feeling depressed and lonely?"

"You were going out with friends in Soho! How did you end up in Camden?"

"No. I invited you to meet me in Soho. I wanted to celebrate with you! If you'd called and said 'well done, I'm really sorry I can't meet you' you would have known that. I ended up in Camden because I didn't want to sit in my flat alone feeling down because of you, so I got off the train there. It wasn't how I wanted my day to end!"

Anyway, there was absolutley no point in getting into an argument, it was already blatantly clear to me that we're incompatible, that I need someone who can be a little more caring and considerate. "You deserve it too", he said quietly, and then "I don't know what to say."

He could've tried apologising, he could've tried persuading me that we could work, but again nothing. I don't know why I could have thought I'd get anything else.

"Just have a think about it and let me know." I hung up.

24hrs later; nothing.

A Mention

Yesterday, my blog had a mention on Gay In London's blog. It's interesting to read how other people percieve you sometimes so it was good to read.

He's a relatively new blogger, but is obviously very adept at writing and I've found myself identifying with his life quite easily, so it's an enjoyable read.

Anyway, there's the link if you're interested. ;o)

How Common!

I just found this on Rodgers site;

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 342 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I must admit, I'm intrigued to find out some information about these guys across the pond who share my name. I did 'googlewhack' once before and found someone of the same name with a particularly odd connection; at the time I was living in Nottingham and my best friend was also called Paul, and his boyfriend was another Paul which led to me becoming known as P3. Well this chap I came across on Google was actually the lead singer of a band called P3. Spooky eh?

If I get time I'd quite like to find out some things about the other 341. Who knows what I may find eh?

Pride All Week.... Now's the Fall

Well, I've been bragging my little ass off for the last week about getting this and winning that and it peaked yesterday with the news of my promotion and my first restaurant, so I guess the balance had to be reset sooner or later.

After leaving work last night soon after 6, I decided a solo celebration in Soho was too sad and it would probably end up in tears. So I did the sensible thing and headed home.

At Finchley Road, I changed lines to the Ghetto Express and, as I had a twenty minute wait, went into a bar for a quick half. Back on the platform, in the cold rain, with my coat wrapped round me and no-one waiting at home to warm me up, the tears came anyway. Who needed Soho, eh?

Pulling myself together, I boarded the train and just kept reminding myself of all the great stuff, of the family that love me, the friends I value so much, the flat and the new job. As we pulled into Camden Road station, I decided I would go and have a few drinks at the Black Cap. I just didn't want to go home and sit alone all evening I guess.

Anyway, one turned to three, then to five etc etc. I was getting hassled by some German guy who was very sweet to begin with, telling me what gorgeous soft skin I had. Then he began bragging to me that he has been here just three years but, because he used to be a herione addict, he's managed to get a council flat and full benefits, and he's now working two other jobs on the side.

This really pissed me off; I fucking hate freeloaders, especially ones who are so proud of it. When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, I could've got the lot, by pleading that my family had disowned me or that I was suffering depression or whatever, but I didn't; I buckled down and accepted nothing. The flat that I now own and the job that I've earnt are mine through hard work, however he just didn't understand my point of view.

"What's the point in earning money," he asked "if I can't use it for fun?"

"Just piss off!" was all I could muster.

Anyway, enough of this rambling; I think the scene is now set to get to the point of this post which, in short, was that I was mugged when I left the bar, just after 2am. I had £250 on me which I had drawn out of one account yesterday to pay into another but then decided I would pay it over the counter today instead of into a machine. It's so unusual I should carry this much cash, I hardly ever do, so it's almost inevitable that my good luck should run out at this point.

I was approached in the street as I was waiting for a night bus home. A young guy asked me for some money, he said he wanted some 'smoke', I said no, but he kept on. then he said he'd give me a blow job if I gave him the money . Please don't ask me why, but drunk, stupid, alone, whatever, I eventually said yes!

We walked away from the bus stop and there was another guy following us. He said we needed to go round the corner to get away from the other guy. I realise now they were probably accomplices. I started getting suspicious so I said I didn't want to go any further. He then started asking me for more money, saying that if I gave him another £20 he could get some coke.

I refused to start with, but he kept insisting and I began to get scared of what would happen if I didn't give it to him. I went to my bag and tried to carefully sneak £20 out of the envelope that had the £250 in it without him seeing it all; I just wanted to get rid of him now. He caught what I was doing though and snatched the envelope out of my hand, pushing my shoulder back against the wall. Running away from me he took the cash out of the envelope, crumpled it up and threw it back at me as he disappeared around the corner.

Straight away I got on the phone to 999 and followed round the corner to see him, with about 6 other guys, all laughing and play fighting over the cash. He ran away from them, protecting his treasure, and back past me shouting "I hope you're not phoning the police!"

I hung up and buried the phone in my pocket.

He shouted back at his mates, "He wanted me to suck his cock, the pervert!"

I didn't know if they would all start on me now, but I stood my ground and waited for the police to find me. I got a call straight back, "It's ok, we can see you. A car is on its way. Stay right there, the place is riddled with CCTV's"

It didn't take long for the police to arrive and I got into a car with two of them, while another two went off on foot to look round the area. We drove around for a while looking for him, but it was no good. It was obvious to the cops that I was drunk, and now I was scared I was going to get in trouble for trying to buy sex or something. They assured me I was the victim, not the perpetrator, so I started to calm down. Eventually, after giving statements, checking the details, giving full descriptions and signing all the documents, they dropped me at a cab shop to get home so they could carry on looking.

Now I'm hungover, ashamed, a little bruised and £250 lighter. And this afternoon I have a dentists appointment.

The ying and yang is suitably redressed, methinks.

Another ending....?

PLEASE READ THE UPDATE TO THIS POST IN THE MESSAGES

I haven't heard from Jay since he left my place on Saturday morning, apart from a reply to a text I sent him on Saturday night. I also haven't had an e-mail or a text today to find out if I'd heard about the job. Succesfully I managed to hold my natural urge to be angry about that; after all, maybe it's good that he wants to take things slowly, and I know he's been busy at work.

Well, since I heard about the job at lunchtime, I've been bursting with excitement but still I resisted calling him. I thought I'd give him a chance to *miss me* rather than me be 'in his face' too much.

But I couldn't hold on any longer so I just sent him a mail asking if he fancied joing me for a celebratory drink this evening in Soho, and swiftly got the reply

"CONGRATULATIONS! Can't tonight I have a meeting at 8am x"

When I replied saying that it won't be a late one as I have to be up tomorrow too, I got this;

"Don't drink too much. Have a good time."

Does he actually give a flying fuck? Does he get excited about seeing me at all or just when it fits his diary... in other words, once a week? I've never put up with a second-rate relationship purely for the sake of not being on my own, and I'm always amazed by people who do, but now I think I'm settling for something that's not actually working for me.So I've typed this reply, but for the time being I've saved it in 'drafts':

"You know, I was determined not to get in touch with you first, to allow you to take things at the speed you wanted and be the one who contacted me, but I was so excited about this news that I've really wanted to share it with you all day. I was also determined not to mind that you hadn’t got in touch today to see if I’d heard anything, but eventually I couldn’t wait any longer.

I’m sorry if I put too much pressure on you. I seem to be too demanding for you. I’ve tried to take things easy for your sake, really I have, but what’s the point of doing great things if you have no-one to share it with?

I’m not sure we’re at all suited Jay, because although I love you dearly you still manage to make me feel empty."

I'll decide whether or not to send it tomorrow when I've calmed down.

I GOT IT!

The phonecall came about an hour ago,

"It's decision time," he said "and I'd really like to offer you the Hampstead restaurant. I think your training skills and your flair would be a real asset there, well to the whole area actually. I got a really good feeling about you. You're honest, not a bullshitter and I like that alot."

"Brilliant!" I was trying not to shout it as I was in the office and didn't want everyone knowing until it came out officially. I also didn't want them all to know how bloody glad I am to get out of here!

You don't know how thrilled I am! For nearly 10 years now I've been deputising and assisting various other managers, often saving their arses and making them big bonuses. More often thinking "If this was my restaurant, I could make so many changes!" So now's my chance to prove to everyone, including myself, whether or not I can actually do it.

All that remains is for my new Ops Manager to have a chat with the Head of IT and arrange a transfer date. I know my new boss wants it to happen ASAFP, and so do I. As I can't see anyone here holding me back, (I'm hardly indespensible,) I could start as soon as Monday in my own little restaurant.

The Winning Streak Continues....

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I'd enjoyed a run of good luck over the weekend but yesterday morning I was going to post that it had come to an end by getting no numbers at all in Wednesday evenings lottery. Not a digit.

However, I didn't get time to post that, and it wasn't that interesting anyway. It actually turns out though that it would have been a touch premature. You see, yesterday we had our monthly team briefing; a big affair with everyone from Head Office attending. It's a bit of a waste of time normally. But yesterday I was awarded the "Restaurant Support Hero of the Month" award, comprising a certificate (coo!) and another £50 vouchers to add to the £100 I got on Monday. Hurrah!

What I was most pleased about with this was, that I was having my interview later in the afternoon for the Hampstead restaurant vacancy so this was great 'self-marketing' fodder to take along!

The meeting went well, and to be honest I surprised myself with some pretty good answers. Although there was one that I knew was crap. It was one of those dodgy questions that I umm'd and aah'd about and eventually said something that I knew sounded substandard. However we talked for about an hour and a half in total which I think was a good sign. I felt we got on well, we even laughed a few times. Genuinely I mean.

The Ops Manager interviewing me said he would be able to let me know today as he had just one more person to interview this morning. This is great as I hate waiting for news on stuff like this, as some of you may recall from the last time.

About two minutes after I left, as always happens, the perfect answer to the dodgy question came into my head! When this has happened before, I've just kicked myself about it but this time I took action and called his mobile. Carpe diem!

"I know this is a little unconventional," I said "but I've just been thinking about something we discussed and wondered if I could add another bit to my answer?" Luckily, he laughed and said of course I could, so I think I actually scored extra points there. Well, it shows I give things careful consideration until I'm really happy I figure.

From there, I headed into the West End for our "IT & Finance Year-End Bash". At my suggestion, we had opted for a visit to Bar Salsa and a lady from Finance and myself have been organising it for the last 6 weeks or so.

The evening was a great success luckily. The food was nothing special, standard tex-mex stuff, but it was ok. Then we all joined in a beginners Salsa class followed by freestyle Salsa to DJ's and, later on, some live music. I have to admit that I loved it! I hadn't told anyone of my secret past as a professional dancer and an amateur Latin American ballroom champion, so I pulled out a few of the old moves that I could remember. Which in truth wasn't many.. well it was 20 years ago nearly! I'm glad I kept it a secret actually.

So then this morning, adding to my lucky streak, I was handed a bottle of very fine looking Merlot as a thanks for helping to organise the night.

It'll soon seem odd to come to work and not get a gift at this rate (",)

The London Eye

British Airways London Eye

At 135 metres above London, the London Eye is the world's tallest observation wheel, with 40km panoramic views on a clear day. The gradual 30 minute flight offers stunning views of London and its famous landmarks in a fully air conditioned capsule with bench seating.

And we have a private 'Champagne Capsule' booked for next Tuesday evening for the IT Team! YAY!!

If I'm not too tipsy, I'll get some pics to post!

Meanwhile, Across the Big Pond....

Congratulations go to our American Cousins who have scored a great success with their midterm election results! Hopefully this will just serve as a lesson to Blair here. How they both got through the last elections beggars belief really.

And as for Donald Rumsfelds 'resignation', well it seems a bit odd to me. Forgive me if this sounds thick, but surely any actions he decided upon had to be cleared by the man in charge didn't they?

Granted, Rumsfeld was the architect of almost everything that has crashed in American Iraq policy. But did he fall or was he pushed? I think it's fairly obvious that he was a sacrificial lamb.

This party fought a campaign of no great distinction or identity, without any proposals for dealing with it, and they have brought down a man who Bush said would remain for the next two years only five days ago.

This has been a single issue campaign - the war on Iraq. And now an extraordinary message has been sent to the President by the US people. Once you have stripped out all the business of Republican and Democrat, you reach the inescapable conclusion that voters believed the President had to be told to change course on Iraq. Well done to you all!

Commuter Dilemma

OK, so you know I like my Sudokus right?

And you know that I'm pretty damn good (though I say so myself), right?

So, if I'm sat next to a novice on the train, and they've managed to enter barely a few numbers, AND they've been sat for a good twenty minutes, scanning along the rows and columns with their pencil, with a pained expression on their face, and entering no new numbers...

Is it ok for me to suggest the next few numbers?

Of course, the answer is "NO!" It would be rude beyond compare. However, I had done the next 8 or 9 moves in my head and was starting to lose my place in the puzzle because I couldn't keep in my head the picture of it as I was completing it, so I got stuck.

Which irritated me beyond belief. Whaddya reckon?

On A Winning Streak!

First I win £21.80 on the Eurolottery on Friday night, then on Saturday night I win another £10 on the normal Lotto, and then yesterday I got £100 vouchers from work for, believe it or not, coming up with a good idea!

And it wasn't even one of my better ones. Handiwipe sachets for kids. How no-ones said it before I'll never know.

I'll never get these people.

A Date with Jay

A lot seems to have happened in a very short space of time and it feels like ages since I've jotted anything down. This may come out a bit haphazard so thank god for 'copy & paste'

Wednesday evening I had arranged to meet Jay for dinner. At his suggestion, we went to the PizzaPlace in Hampstead, which was very considerate of him, realising I may want to check the place out. You see, I have my interview for the Restaurant Managers position lined up for this Thursday. It's a very sweet little restaurant, in a listed building, a few yards away from the tube station. If anything it may be too small for me after being used to the hustle und busy-ness of Islington. It may bore me.

We had a nice meal, trying out one of the new Autumn pizzas, and drinks afterwards at the local gay pub. We discussed our lives, plans for jobs, plans for Christmas.

Whenever we get together now, there is so much feeling still there that it's hard to remember we're not boyfriends anymore. Just the way we chat, and look at each other. The way he smiles at me even when I'm ranting.

He's had such a hard time since I've known him and I forgive all his screwed up actions that have impacted me over the last six months. Whether or not I should is another matter; I often think I shouldn't but anger really isn't my 'thing' these days. I know what an upheaval he's been through; leaving his long-term boyfriend, crashing at various peoples houses while he sorts out his tenants, and then his +ve diagnosis.

Inevitably, we ended up kissing. Which we shouldn't have. I got tearful, saying that I just can't do this 'limbo' thing that he's gotten us into; we're not boyfriends but we're certainly not just friends, and if that's what he wants us to become then I'm going to need a break for a month or so until I'm over feeling the way I do about him.

He said he would drop me at the station on his way so I could get a train home. I refused, saying that the last thing I wanted after a lovely evening and a romantic kiss was to get dumped at Camden Road, cold and on a platform alone.

So he dropped me at The Black Cap, I could get a cab from there. I was crying as I left the car.

"I'll call you tomorrow!" he called after me.

"I may not answer" I replied as I walked away (never one to missed a dramatic exit).

An e-mail was waiting for me when I got to work the next morning,

"SHIT SHIT SHIT...I don't seem to be able to do anything right. It is so right when we are together and all I want to do is take it slowly, I don't want to lose you, although I fear I have. I don't want to push you away I want to keep you close and spend time with you. Ultimately I want to be with you.

I do not want to see you sad. If not seeing me makes you happier, then that is what I want too. I feel awful for causing you such upset."

He called at lunchtime, and of course I answered.

After the initial, awkward 'how are you?'s were all finished, he asked me "You know why I asked you about your plans for Christmas don't you?"

"Nope"

"Because I'd really like to spend the day with you"

So now I'm confused!

ARGEY'S BACK!!

YAAAAY!!!

I received a call this morning from my little JP. He's back in the UK, alive and well so my visit to Nottingham is brilliantly timed as I'll be able to see him too :0)

I'm also REALLY looking forward to his blogs about what happened to him out there!

(no pressure love!)

Commuter Rant

Two hours! Two bloody hours! Two sodding bloody hours of train hell to get to a job that bores me, working for a twat that annoys me! WHY?!?!?

And why do I ALWAYS get the FATTEST person on the train sitting next to me? Or better yet, like this morning, the TWO fattest people sitting either side of.

"I'll tell you what," I snapped, "I'll stand, you two take the three person seat. Help yourself!"

Hallowe'ens Done

As much as I wasn't doing the party thing this year, I always really look forward to Halloween (as you may have noticed!). I like the history of the festival as well as the dressing up.

For instance, did you know that the lanterns we now carve from pumpkin were originally carved from marrows and laid out along the path from an Ancestors' grave back to the family's front door to help them find their way back home? Oh, and they weren't made from pumpkin until the festival became more American-ised.

Sadly, being on an 'estate with gates' I didn't even get any 'Trick orTreaters' this year, so the nearest I got to feeling festive was watching the Deal Or No Deal Halloween Special!

This weekend coming....

I will be in Nottingham, so am looking forward to bumping into a few of you. I shall, no doubt, be in the usual haunts on Friday & Saturday evening!

New Flatmate!

After much strenuous interviewing, (only 2 of them stayed the night Nomad!), I have made a decision and accepted a flatmate. He's 33 and just moving down from Birmingham for a job with a dance company.

I figure this means he will not know many people and will be busy settling into his new job, so he probably won't be too much of a party animal.

But we can soon change that eh? (",)